GENERAL SHMOSPITAL PRESENTS ...
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The Unauthorized Memwahs of a FleaThe Kristina Wagner Story Chapter Two: Becoming An Actress Against All Odds! |
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Above: Kristina in a stage production playing one of the skulls in "Hamlet" |
Do you really expect me to think up another caption to put on this side, too? |
Alright, so I made up all that stuff about murderous rage and intrigue and stuff. I just wanted you to move on to Chapter Two. So sue me!
So, little Kristina decided to become an actress, despite heavy opposition from her parents.
"We never wanted our little Kristina to become a Hollywood starlet," Mr.Klump told an insider. "We raised her to be a wholesome, sweet, marry-able girl, not some Hollywood Ho who'd sleep her way to the top. But more than anything, we just felt that our little Kristina didn't have much talent. Even her first acting coach tried to discourage her from trying to become an actress!"
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Click to hear Kristina's acting coach's words of discouragement |
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Yet, despite it all, Kristina persisted. She found herself a new acting coach and made a whole bunch of excuses to her parents when it was time to leave for her acting class.
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Click to hear a wav of Kristina making an excuse to go to acting class |
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Finally, her acting coach encouraged Kristina to hit the big time: leave her hometown of Indianapolis and head off to Los Angeles!
"The truth is," says her former acting coach, Robert "Skippy" Skiptonovitch, "I just wanted to get Kristina away from me. My gosh, man, there's only so far a woman of her talent can go! Every day she'd come into our appointments going, 'Show me something new! Why won't you show me something new? You're so meaannn! You're so meeaannnn!' Later, I saw that she used that angst and anguish in the infamous Alley Scene that she did right before her character on General Hospital, Felicia, slept with Luke Spencer. It annoyed the crap out of me when she was my student, and it annoyed the crap out of me when I saw the Alley Scene. After all those years, I'm afraid to say Kristina hasn't improved much at all!"
Not knowing what was in store, Kristina Krump headed off to Los Angeles -- with dreams of fame, fortune and Oscar Awards swimming before her baby blue eyes!
