Monday, January 28

*** AJ gave Courtney a check for $10,00 and insisted it was only so that she could keep her options open, in case she ever wanted to leave town, get away or just plain have a lot of sex with him if she got bored.

*** Nikolas asked Laura if she ever saw Stavros when she looked at him. "Not with THAT stupid fucking hairdo," she said. Nikolas was relieved to hear that.

*** Sonny told Johnny that if he interrupted him and Alexis again, he would fire him. This made Johnny cry. Sonny then told Zander that because he told Carly that Sonny was paying him to keep an eye on her, that he was fired. This made Zander cry. Alexis then told Sonny he was a hypocritical bastard, and that made Sonny cry. Alexis then realized that she missed her chance to tell Sonny that she loved him, and that made her cry.
 

Tuesday, January 29

*** Gia tried some word association with Nikolas to try to get him to talk about his father, but was disappointed when Nikolas answered "Lucky" to everything. Meanwhile, Lucky rented a limo and got some roses for Liz in the hopes of recapturing the romance. "Are your boobs big enough for ya?" Lucky asked. Liz chuckled, but later told him he was trying too hard to prove that he liked her. Or ANY woman, for that matter.

*** As if he didn't have enough on his mind worrying about Alexis, Sonny's zit was now demanding its own penthouse.

*** Bobbie lifted weights at the gym and Scotty spotted her to make sure her implants didn't explode.

*** Kristina opened her big, fat yapper and told Sonny that Alexis was in love with him. She then tried to backtrack and said she meant "in love with" in the sense of, really hated his guts and further tried to stress that regardless of what he may think of her or Alexis, this really was her natural hair color.
 

Wednesday, January 30

*** NuSarah arrived in Port Charles and had a warm reunion with NuLucky and NuNik.

*** Roy became suspicious of Melissa when he learned that one of Tony's patients died while Melissa was on duty. "Terminally ill patients in hospitals don't just .. die," he thought to himself. He then flared his nostrils and furrowed his eyebrows for emphasis. When he heard Melissa discussing how much she loved her job, he asked her, "What's all this caring crap? Do you KILL people?"

*** Skye went over to Jax's place and asked him to help her with her self-defense. Jax pinned her arms behind her back, tackled her to the ground, sat on her chest and finally stopped the exercises when Skye ran out of cheesy sexual innuendo to accompany every vaguely sexually-suggestive move he made. Skye later returned and showed Jax a threat she had received in her hotel room: a Queen of Hearts with a cigarette burn in the center with the words "Don't forget your Zantac" scrawled in blood across the top. "Sonny Corinthos just gets more vicious every day," Jax fumed handsomely.
 

Thursday January 31

*** Gia decided that since it was a cold winter day and she had to work in an hour, it would be a good time for her to wear her new underwear to the stables. After she and Nik had some Sheba Sex, Gia went to the PC Grill for a post-coital Irish coffee and photo shoot.

*** NuNotElton went by Laura's office to introduce himself. He was introduced as Ainsley, Kevin Spacey's older and slightly more effeminate brother. Laura introduced him to Lucky and when they shook hands, Ainsley's beeper went off. "Ooops, that's my gay-dar," Ainsley said with a blush. Lucky nodded understandingly.

*** Audrey crawled out of the woodwork to fawn all over NuSarah. NuSarah insulted Liz by asking her what got between her and Lucky's love. "These massive ta-ta's are what got in the way," Liz cried. NuSarah comforted her sister as best she could.

*** Alan sat by Edward's bed as Edward wafted in and out of consciousness, and threatened to sing to him like he once did to Emily after the Nurse's Ball. Edward asked him, hadn't he suffered enough? Alan sang the first two bars of "People Who Need People" and Edward yanked the IV out of his arm, begging for the sweet, sweet taste of death.

*** Nikolas later ran into a former acquaintance of Stavros's and the acquaintance said it was striking, the way Nikolas reminded him of his father, which prompted all Stav`sluts to ask themselves, "If Nikolas is the very image of his father, then why am I not lusting after him?" All Stav`sluts then sort of shrugged and got themselves a Snickers bar.
 

Friday, February 1

*** Amy razzed Bobbie about all the men she's getting over. Bobbie retorted that at least SHE got laid in the past five years, and could Amy say the same? Amy ran off, crying like a big baby la-la. Scotty later arrived to pick Bobbie up for their date and presented her with a dozen roses, a dress to wear, a six-back of Bud and a pack of condoms. "Geez, you think I'm a whore or something?" Bobbie asked. "Well," Scotty said, "EX-whore is more like it." Bobbie giggled and went to squeeze her boobies into the dress.

*** Courtney and Mike sat down for an old-fashioned tea party like the ones they used to have when she was a kid. You know, before he abandoned her and stuff.  Mike was miffed when Janine showed up to join in the forced merriment. The tension disappeared, however, when they recalled an Easter they shared together where they all ate tons of hard-boiled eggs and the resulting gas was so bad that the smell alerted the neighbor. "Those were good times," Janine said, "I wonder why they had to end." "Cuz I abandoned you," Mike said. "Oh yeah," Janine said. They smiled at one another over Courtney's head.

*** Sonny went to AJ's penthouse for a tea party and compared bodyguards. Sonny later reamed Mike's ass for renting a hotel room in the same hotel that AJ was staying in. Courtney was so upset with the way they were arguing that she took off in her car. "See what you did?" Mike bellowed. "I didn't do nuffin," Sonny said, and ordered his men to find Courtney but not drag her out of her car and beat her senseless. The men were almost stunned by the new softer Sonny but followed his orders anyway lest he take out his leather gloves and, you know, HIT them with them or something.

*** Gia guzzled down an Irish Coffee and some champagne and started swearing like a sailor. Lucky expressed a hope that Nikolas would also get drunk and dance on the table. Nikolas winked at Lucky and mouthed the words, "I love you, brother." Apparently this did not go unnoticed by Gia who later, in the car with Liz, started ranting and raving about how Lucky seemed to be going after Nikolas and how it was so obvious that Lucky was flirting with Nikolas. Liz tried to drown Gia out with the pounding rhythms of the Police's "Every Breath You Take," but before she could feel the satisfaction of shutting Gia's big fat yapper, Gia ran and red light and ran right into Courtney and yet even the possibility of death was more pleasing to Liz than another jealous word outta Gia.