May 13th, 2002 ~~ Gia felt guilty that Nikolas paid such a high price for getting her out of trouble when she ran the red light and caused an accident. "You think the price *I* paid was high?" Nikolas asked. "What about the audience?" ~ Nikolas confessed to Gia that he had told Lucky the WHOLE TRUTH about everything they did, including helping Helena escape. "Why the fuck did you do that?" Gia asked, to which Nikolas replied, "You know how it is when you've got some wine in you, you've watched Total Eclipse a few times and you're in the throes of passion ..." Gia smiled and nodded and apologized for questioning Nik's motives ~ A videotape arrived in the mail from Helena featuring a conversation between herself and Gia, discussing their secret arrangement. Nikolas quickly turned the tape off lest the video feature some secret footage of him and Elton grabbing a steam ....

Sarah came to the darkroom to see Lucky and tell him that a body had been found in the lake and it was probably Carly. Lucky broke down sobbing and told Sarah how Little Red Carly Hood had gone to Sonny's to drop off a basket of freshly-picked apples and freshly-baked bread when the poor innocent saw Sonny doing the nasty with Alexis and got so distraught that she drove over a cliff and into the lake. "A more virginal, innocent girl you never saw," Lucky sobbed. He and Sarah then dealt with their profound grief by making out.

Jax told Sonny and Bobbie that one of his divers had pulled a body from the lake and that it was more than likely Carly's. "Did the DNA match?" Bobbie asked. Jax replied, "I don't know if the DNA matched, but the bra and purse certainly did." Sonny broke down sobbing: "Matching bra and purse? Oh God, that's Carly allright!" Jax and Sonny then went to the morgue to identify the body. Sonny professed his guilt about Carly's death: "I should have known that after her shift at the soup kitchen and her volunteer work at the homeless shelter, that she'd insist on coming over to the penthouse with apples and bread! Oh how could I have cheated on my ex-wife!?" Jax asked Sonny if some sex would make him feel better, but Sonny said he was waiting for Jason to come back OR Zander to loosen his morals, whichever came first. At the morgue, the body was revealed. Sonny took one look at Little Red Carly Hood's red bra and broke down sobbing. In the elevator, Sonny was accosted by Wilford Brimley, telling him about the benefits of eating Grape-Nuts. When Brimley finally left, Sonny sat down on the floor of the elevator and called Benny to organize a hit on the Post Cereal Company. (Top)

May 14th, 2002 ~~ Taggert reviewed the tape of Gia and Helena and then took it away from Sarabi before she could give it to the REAL police as evidence. Sarabi warned him to think about what he was doing and whether or not he wanted to piss her off, since as the last female black character on the show, she WAS his last chance for sex on the show. Taggert wordlessly pointed to the door and Sarabi limped her way back to Windermere.

Sarah and Lucky wondered if it was crazy for them to have sex while grieving for Carly. Sarah told them they would have to resist their attraction and compared their feelings for one another to the itch of a mosquito bite. Lucky compared their attraction to the weird discharge he gets when he urinates. ~ Later, a guilt-ridden Sarah was at the Brownstone with Elizabeth, who fretted that she never knew what to say in trying circumstances, but that Sarah always seemed to have a knack for knowing the exact right thing to say. "I made out with your boyfriend," Sarah blurted out. Liz smiled, "See? You always know the perfect thing to say! You're amazing!" :)

Michael said he missed his Mommy, which prompted Leticia to chuckle and say, "But I'm right here, Michael!" Mickey ran into her arms and asked, "Mommy? Where's your crown?" Bobbie smiled at them and told Leticia to get the little fucker upstairs cuz he was ruining the Tense And Kind Of Mourning vibe that she had going on in her house. ~ Luke kept Bobbie company while she awaited the results of the DNA test. They fondly remembered their past, including Luke's boner for a chick named Fiona the Sword Swallower. Bobbie remembered her crush on Enrique the Sword Swallower and wondered aloud why their relationship never took off. "Now I see why you never have luck in love," Luke said with a sigh. ~ Scotty showed up and offered to cook something for Bobbie, announcing proudly that God had given him a goose! ~ Later, Luke announced the results of the DNA tests to Bobbie and whispered, "It's Emmy time." Jacklyn Zeman then collapsed to the floor a la Genie Francis before she remembered that oops, Genie never got nominated for that move, either!

Zander clenched his jaw as he listened to two bartenders discuss the demise of Carly. Zander pounced on them and told them they didn't even have a right to say her blessed name and that, in the future, if they WERE to say her name, they had better precede AND follow it with the Sign of the Cross.

Kristina told Alexis about a body being found in the lake. Alexis immediately wondered if Sonny reacted strangely to the news, but Kristina assured her that the worst that happened was Sonny crumpling to the floor in the elevator. "That means his suit is wrinkled and he needs me!" Alexis said. Kristina hugged her and told her she'd teach her how to iron in the morning ~ Meanwhile, Sonny ran into Courtney in the park. "Your suit's all wrinkled," Courtney said. Sonny reacted strangely: "My suit? Oh God, no! NOT MY SUIT! Oh please, anything but my suit! Curse that Wilford Brimley and his Grape-Nuts!" Courtney allowed Sonny his grieving space but had to wonder how Sonny knew a big name like Wilford Brimley and why he was looking at his nuts. (Top)

May 15th, 2002 ~~ The show opened with a musical montage. "You Light Up My Life" played as everyone remembered Carly. Debbie Boone *sigh* Is there no emotion you can't conjure up?

Laura went to the Brownstone and was told by Luke that a body had been found and that the DNA matched Carly's. "Real DNA or soap DNA?" Laura asked. Luke replied, "Soap DNA." Laura heaved a sigh of relief and said that Carly should be walking through that door any day now. Luke said he was hoping Laura would talk to Bobbie about accepting Carly's death. Laura said she didn't feel comfortable doing that until Luke reminded her that this might be her last chance for an Emmy reel. "Where's Bobbie?" Laura quickly asked. ~ Later, Laura helped Bobbie select items for burial and Bobbie asked Laura how she coped with HER child's fake death and asked if a parent ever really gets over a fake death. "You get over it," Laura said with tears in her eyes, "after they come back from the dead and you have your first Frappuccino with them." Bobbie smiled, "Carly loved Frappuccinos." Laura held Bobbie's hand: "Hold on to those memories, Bobbie," she said.

Zander snuck into the morgue and poured his heart out to Carly's body bag. He confessed how much he cared for her and how he wished he had listened to her rather than kick her and her matching bra and purse into the street. Luke showed up and promised Zander that he would remain with Carly's body while Zander went to get some fresh air. Unable to contain his curiosity, Luke unzipped the body bag but didn't have the heart to tell Zander that he'd just been pouring his guts out to Wilford Brimley's bullet-riddled body.

Sonny poured out his grief to Mike. Mike said it was strange to be in the bar that Carly created and loved so much. "She called it her very own personal Declaration of Independence that she created entirely by herself with Jax's money," Mike said. Sonny sniffled and confessed that he felt he had driven Carly over the cliff. "Oh Sonny," Mike consoled, "it's not YOUR fault that everyone who loves you ends up dead. I mean, sure, there's a PATTERN there and stuff but it's still not your fault." Sonny sobbed uncontrollably and bellowed, "Oh Toonces! Why! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GET BEHIND THE WHEEL OF THAT CAR!" Mike hugged his son close to him and told him to just let it the fuck go already. (Top)

May 16th, 2002 ~~ Sarabi was fooling around on Nikolas's computer and got caught red-handed by Gia, who asked, "What are you doing on Nik's computer and why the FUCK are you wearing that butt-ugly shirt and dog collar?" Sarabi said she was just trying to see how many hits her marginalblackfemalesoapcharacters.com site had gotten that day. Gia walked away pleased that she was not considered marginal enough to have been asked to pose for said website but sure hoped that Dara got the call.

Alan was amazed when Audrey called to tell him that most of the nurses at the hospital wanted time off to attend Carly's funeral. "I never realized she was so loved," Alan said with tears in his eyes. Audrey replied that the nurses weren't going there out of grief; they just wanted to make sure the bitch was really dead.

Bobbie was touched that Sonny had taken care of many of the arrangements for Carly's wake, including flowers and food. Sonny sobbed and said he always wanted to take care of Lilly-- err, Brenda -- err, Carly .. and that whatever Bobbie needed, she only had to ask. They then discussed telling Michael that Carly was dead. They ultimately decided to just bring Mikey to the funeral and hope that he'd notice that the corpse in the coffin looked a hell of a lot like Carly. "It's hard enough to accept that Carly is gone," Bobbie said, "do we really have to make it MORE agonizing on ourselves?" Sonny agreed and added that Mikey would probably forget that Carly isn't around anyway, since he's bonded so deeply with Leticia. "You make a good point," Bobbie said. They sat in awkward silence for a while before trying out some of Laura's delicious brownies with those little M&M bits in them.

Zander was all bitchy because Alexis sent a suit to his room above Jake's for him to wear to Carly's funeral. Zander asked Alexis if she thought that this gesture would make her feel less guilty about the role she played in Toonces's death. Zander then confessed that the night Carly crept into his bed, took her clothes off and stroked his dick, he made it all about sex when dangit, all signs indicated that she really just wanted to talk. Alexis suppressed an urge to roll her eyes. Zander then asked Alexis why they were so cruel to Carly, what with Alexis fucking Carly's ex-husband and him wanting nothing but sex from Carly just cuz she stripped down to a red bra and skivvies. "We should have asked ourselves," Zander said, "What Would Jason Do?" Alexis nodded silently and wondered if her jeans made her look fat, but figured now wasn't a good time to ask Zander that.

Sonny went to Carly's coffin and talked to her in purgatory. He told her he believed she would eventually get to Heaven, since God understood what Carly did and why she did it. "He'll know," Sonny said, "that you did everything out of love. Sleeping with your mother's husband, betraying Jason, having hate sex with me, dousing AJ with alcohol and sticking him in a dumpster .. Carly, the love that poured out of you in those moments was more than my heart could bear." Viewers dabbed at their eyes with tissues as they were all over on another channel watching the M*A*S*H* rerun where Henry Blake's helicopter goes down.  (Top)

May 17th, 2002 ~~ Bobbie continued to be in denial, refusing to accept that Carly was really gone. "Let he who has not at one time faked his own death cast the first stone," Bobbie said in her best kitten voice before going into another room to caress her picture of Carly. Meanwhile, in the foyer, everyone discussed whether or not they should have a cookie and relax while Bobbie took five seconds to come to terms with her daughter's death.

Later, at the Charlie's Angels Chapel of Perpetual Misery, friends, family and mourners began to gather. One by one, dressed in their finest black, the nominees began their walk down the red carpet. Best Blank Stare in a funeral scene: Sonny Corinthos. Woman With The Girliest Hairdo At A Funeral: Alexis Davis. ~ Best Impersonation of an Actor in a soap: Jasper Jacks. ~ Best "What The Fuck Are YOU Doing Here?" arrivals: Edward, Monica and Alan Quartermaine. ~ Character We Most Hope Won't Open Her Yapper At The Funeral: Kristina Davis Cassadine. ~ Best Performance By A Tightly-Clenched Jaw: Zander Smith. ~ Most Notable Absence At His Mother's Funeral: Michael Corinthos Jr. ~ Most Distracting Mole At A Funeral: Mike Corbin. Character Who Tried The Dangedest To Make The Grief And Pain Look Real: Bobbie Spencer.

Jasper Jax was first to take the podium and thank the Academy for this most prestigious award. Someone nudged him and reminded him that this was Carly's funeral, so Jax switched gears and said Carly was a fighter and a survivor. "Club 101 is proof of that," Jax said. "It was her own personal Declaration of Independence that she made come true entirely on her own with my money." "That bastard stole my speech," Mike Corbin fumed.

Zander then spoke a few words about Carly and said that she was never afraid to ever speak her mind except, he said, "that one night when she came to my room and asked me to fuck her when what she really wanted *sob* was a hug!"

Bobbie then went up and thanks Sears Portrait Studio for the lovely picture of Carly that they provided and began talking about how suddenly Carly had appeared in her life. Just as Bobbie was preparing for her Emmy reel by breaking into boob-wracking sobs, the doorknob was heard and in unison, fifty indifferent people swung their heads to see who was at the door. "The confessional is closed!" the priest yelled. "My bad," a freshly crimped but slightly bruised Carly demurely replied.