May 20, 2002 ~~ Carly showed up at her funeral and became so freaked out by the sight of the coffin that she ran out. Sonny got into big trouble when he knocked over the Sears Portrait of Carly on his way out to catch up with her. "Finally, we have a legitimate crime we can bust him on," Taggert said, but then he remembered this was kinda Carly's funeral and everything and then he went Aw Shucks and looked the other way.

AJ was on the phone enrolling Mikey in The David St. Hubbins School For Extremely Snotty and Pampered Boys when Courtney walked in and dropped the bombshell that she didn't think she'd be able to raise Mikey after all. AJ reminded her that Leticia would be around so it wasn't like Courtney would have to raise the kid anyway. "Well," Courtney said, "when you put it THAT way .." AJ smiled and gave her a gentle punch in the shoulder. "That's my girl," he said.

Skye made a funny at Carly's sorta funeral and Jax called her on it. Skye told him to loosen the fuck up and that she thought he'd be GLAD that his little friend was back from the dead. Jax said that Carly didn't need a bunch of people mocking her non-death and asking her a bunch of questions right now. "It's obvious that she's been through a lot," Jax said, "like a trip to the hairdresser and stuff." Skye told Jax that he was absolutely right and asked her to please forgive her for her insensitivity. Jax shrugged and said, "S'nothing."

Sonny went to look for Carly in the World's Smallest Cemetery and found her hiding behind a big granite statue of the Virgin Mary that Sonny had donated to the church. Carly asked him if she was dead; Sonny said she was only soap dead. Carly heaved a sigh of relief and then rushed into Bobbie's arms. "Mama," she sobbed. "Skanky!" Bobbie said in her best kitten voice. ~~ They  brought Carly to the hospital, where she was looked over by Tony, who pronounced her "definitely not even kinda dead" and told Sonny he could go in to see her. Carly wept in her hospital bed and pulled Sonny close, asking if she thought this feeble attempt at trying to re-create the drama of Sarah Brown's miscarriage scene would win her a Daytime Emmy. Sonny told her to shhh, since he didn't have the heart to tell her that it probably wasn't going to happen.

Roy and Luke pretended to be federal agents at the morgue, where they wanted the guy on duty to give them more info on the girl who was in the coffin. "I'm going to need more identification," the guy on duty said. "Do you see these index cards with the big navy blue letters F B I across the top?" Luke bellowed. "Isn't that ENOUGH for you, guy on duty?" "Listen man," the guy on duty said fearfully, "I don't want no trouble here." Luke and Roy went into the morgue and were surprised to find Laura already in there. "What are YOU doing here?" Roy asked. "I stole Kristina Wagner's script!" Laura proudly announced.

Alexis saw Mikey at Kelly's and told him that he would be seeing his mother very soon. Mikey was all excited: "Yay! I'm going to see the  blonde lady again! Think she brought me some candy from heaven?" ~~ Later, in a terrible moment of foreshadowing, Mikey spilled his Orange Crush all over the floor. "We're going to have rain tomorrow," Mikey said softly. "Fucking butterfingers," Leticia muttered. (TOP)

May 21, 2002 ~~ Robert Kelker-Kelly showed up in a Fred McMurray shirt-and-sweater combo but sadly, it was only in a dream. He turned but disappeared before a good ass shot could be established. Gia walked into the room just as Nikolas awoke from his dream. "Every time you dream about your father, you wake up in a sweat, your heart is pounding, your loins are moist," she said. "You'd think you were Marzipan or something!" Nikolas cringed in embarrassment. Marzipan did, too.

Ned went to see Alexis and reminded her that he would always care about her, even if he was boinking her little sister. Alexis thanked him for his concern but told him he might want to focus his energies on helping the Feng Shui Queen work on that little "annoys the crap out of everyone" problem she has. Ned showed his dimples. Alexis kicked him out.

Carly awoke from her long sleep to find Sonny waiting by her bedside. She let it slip that she didn't remember anything about the night of her accident, except that she went over to his place with a birthday card from little whatshisface. Sonny took advantage of the moment and told Carly that he didn't know why she had been upset that night and reminded her that he never but NEVER EVER sent her to her room, treated her like shit or threw money at her after hate sex. ~~ Mikey was finally brought to see Carly in the hospital but was whisked away after a few minutes. "Bye, pretty blonde lady," he said. "You can call me Mommy, you know," Carly said. "I don't want to screw up this thing I've got going with Leticia," Mikey said. Carly said she understood. Mikey winked at her and said, "See  ya later, Toots." Bobbie smiled affectionately.

Lucky and Sarah were near each other again when he went to the emergency room for a wounded hand. Just being close to one another unleashed the powerful sexual attraction between them that is evident and obvious only to them. Lucky made Sarah cringe in her panties when he told her, "We dry-humped in the gym; how about making out in the E.R.?" Sarah could only raise a  badly-manicured eyebrow. ~~ Later, Sarah refused to give Maxie some birth control pills because she wanted Maxie to talk it over with Felicia first. "My mom lives in the stone ages," Maxie snarled. "She doesn't even let me use Playtex ultra-thin tampons!" Sarah stood firm and still refused to prescribe the pills, but placed an urgent call to Kevin_Loves_Alba to tell him to get his ass to Port Charles ASAP! Interesting plot twists to come, we're sure. (TOP)

May 22, 2002 ~~ Florence told Taggert not to arrest Gia. "With those Angelina Jolie lips of hers, she won't last a DAY in a women's prison!" Flo pleaded. ~~ Nikolas confessed to Gia that him coming on to Sarabi was all a big act. "I'm totally turned off by those little bangs of hers," Nikolas said. "I much prefer really bad hair extensions like you have!" Gia told Nik that if she found out that his feelings for Sarabi were real, that she'd send him flying off the parapet. "Is that foreshadowing?" Nikolas asked. "No," Gia replied, "I'm just foretelling something that may happen in the future." Nikolas contemplated explaining things to her  but decided it was better not to screw with her pretty little badly-hair-extensioned head.

 Luke and Roy annoyed the absolute freaking crap out of me today.

Zander finally had his opportunity to sit beside Carly and hold her hand for a while. Carly admitted that she was freaked out as a result of going to her own funeral and admitted that she always thought that if she died, nobody would show up. "I guess I was wrong, huh?" she said. Zander replied, "Well, in all fairness, most of them were only there for Bobbie and then Sonny paid some of the others, so ..." Their eyes met and something resembling mutual tolerance passed between them. Carly also admitted that she didn't remember anything that happened before her accident. "You don't remember a red bra? A matching purse? Some mild foreplay on my bed?" Zander asked. Carly shook her head. Zander felt bad, since he had gone through all the trouble of matching his bra and purse that night, but decided to just let bygones be bygones.

Sonny went to see Alexis but despite the prediction of a confrontation between them, nothing really happened. Alexis told Sonny that they should discuss what happened between them since obviously recent events had changed the significance of their night of screwing. "Who but the audience and people who don't even watch this show could have predicted that Carly would see us, drive her car off a cliff, be pronounced dead and then show up at her own funeral?" she asked. Sonny shook his head. "Danged if I know," he admitted. Across the continent, viewers yawned. (TOP)

May 23, 2002 ~~ Carly once again had visitors from everyone in Port Charles. First Jax stopped in to tell her how glad he was that she was alive and how much he missed her. He also decided to make Carly feel useful by showing her the club's receipts. "We made more of a profit when I was dead than when I was alive," Carly sneered. "We had better ratings, too," Jax smiled. ~~ Bobbie then came in and told Carly to get some sleep and reminded her how glad she was that Carly was alive. "You never doubted that I would survive?" Carly asked. "Never!" Bobbie replied. "Then why the fuck did you go to my funeral?" Carly demanded. Bobbie paused. "More morphine?" she asked ~~ AJ visited Carly but unfortunately, Mike walked in and interrupted some of the only decent acting we were going to see that day. Carly sobbed, "I'm starting to think that people, especially the viewers, would have been happier if I'd have stayed dead." "More morphine?" Mike asked. Carly wanted to hear more about how much Sonny loves her so she said that Sonny's life would have been better without her, knowing of course that Mike would contradict her -- which he did. "Your death ripped Sonny apart!" Mike said. "Then why did he bury me so quickly?" she asked. "More morphine?" asked Mike.

Scotty decided to join up with the Cool Gang by telling Luke and Roy that he thought AJ was behind the old body switcheroo at the morgue. When asked why he believed this, Scotty simply replied, "It's the truth! AJ is behind the body switcheroo and the DNA tampering and everything else! What, do you think I'm spinning you a wild tale like the one AJ spun about Sonny hanging him from a meat hook and forcing him to sign over his parental rights?" Luke, Roy and Scotty paused a moment to enjoy a hearty laugh amongst themselves over AJ's wild and caa-razy imagination! ~~ At this point, Luke, Roy and Scotty just annoyed the freaking crap out of me. "Bobbie's heart is too big for her own danged good," Luke said of his sister's forgiving nature. "And Bobbie's face lift is too TIGHT for her own danged good," Scotty added. Roy and Luke lit cigarettes and loitered a bit and immediately threw Scotty out of their Cool Gang. (TOP)

May 24, 2002 ~~ Shit on AJ Week continued with brilliant performances by Luke and Laura. An unshaven and hungover Luke told AJ that he had no right to see his son cuz he was, you know, a *hic* alcoholic and stuff who never paid much attention to his kid. "Oh yeah?" AJ asked. "When was the last time you spent time with YOUR kids?" "I just saw Lucky this morning!" Luke protested. "What about Lulu?" AJ asked. "I have a kid named Lulu?" Luke said in bewilderment. He was so pissed off at AJ for one-upping him that he punched him in the stomach.

Luckily, Laura pranced by in a wedding dress and Wrangler denim jacket, just in time to break up the sucker punching. Mustering up a level of self-righteous condemnation that only Laura is capable of, she began to bitch at AJ for being more concerned about himself than about Bobbie or Michael. AJ told her she had no idea what it was like to have a child taken away from her and raised to hate her guts, but she reminded him of Nikolas being taken away from her and being raised to hate her guts. "How did you cope with it?" AJ asked. "Oh, I just decided to hate Nikolas's guts right back," Laura said proudly, "but we're not here to discuss MY shortcomings; we're here strictly to discuss YOURS!" AJ shifted his weight to the other leg, knowing that this was going to take a while.

Carly went to Sonny's penthouse to see if he was okay. She was secretly very thankful that Bobbie packed her Slut Clothes, as the sheer bustier deal she was wearing was really just PERFECT for the occasion! She thanked Sonny for everything he did for her while she was missing -- "you know, the funeral, the Sears portrait, the flowers and stuff." "My pleasure," Sonny said. Carly became agitated when AJ's name came up. "I'm storming out of here right now to kick his ass!" Carly shouted. Sonny grabbed her arm. They looked at one another: Carly about to do something impulsive and stupid? Sonny grabbing her arm? "It's just like old times," Carly whispered seductively. "Yes," Sonny said, "only this time we've really matured." Giggles and eye-rolling were suppressed by viewers.

In a plot twist that shocked EVERYONE, Henry Winkler made his first appearance as the latest and newest cast member to join GH. "Fonzie?" AJ said to the figure on the docks. "Eyyyyyyyyyyy," Fonzie replied. (TOP)