Bobbie had a couple of martinis while at the PC Grille with Scotty and made a spectacle of herself when she threw a drink in Sonny's face and called him a cold, unfeeling bastard. Luke leaned over from the next table and asked Bobbie if now would be a good time for him to start playing poker with the johns

Zander and Emily went to the prom but left when the teens there started asking Zander if he had any coke on him. Zander said he just had Pepsi and the teens threatened to beat him up. Emily and Zander decided to dance under the very same streetlight that they were shot at under right before Christmas. It was a very romantic evening indeed.

Laura had a hard time pulling herself together after she saw the engagement ring that Lucky gave Liz, which was the same ring Stavros had given Laura all those years ago. Laura sobbed on the terrace of the Grille and Luke came outside to console her and assure her that she would never lose Lucky. "But WHY can't I lose Lucky?" Laura sobbed. "Why can't I just LOSE him??" Luke shrugged his shoulders and sighed and said they were stuck with a danged recast and just had to make the best of it.

Helena told Tony to hurry up with unthawing Robert Kelker-Kelly already. Tony said that it was very dangerous to do so, as the procedure was experimental and he had no idea what tampering with it would do to Stavros' brain. Helena told Tony to shut the frig up already: she wanted to have her beloved son back NOW -- "you know," she said, "the one I REALLY wanna have sex with!" Tony gave Stavros more pulsoral energy, muscle electro-stimulation and a nice big shot of Viagra and sure enough, Stavros' hand started to move and slowly inch towards his crotch. "That's my boy!" Helena cackled delightedly.

Sonny invited Skye to sit with him and his dinner guests, even making one of the hookers he hired for the evening leave the table so Skye could have her seat. When Skye pointed out that it's usually a MAN who gives up his seat for a woman, Sonny shrugged and said, "Well, since women ain't worth shit in my world, why not make THEM give up their seats?" Skye felt all tingly inside.

Just as Luke was about to take Lucky for a walk and have him kidnapped by Roy, Taggert showed up and told Lucky he was under arrest for beating up Stefan Cassadine and making him look like a girlyboy in the hospital stairwell. Luke was torn between wanting to congratulate his son on a good ass-whuppin' and telling Taggert to get the frig out of his way so he could kidnap his son already!

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Zander and Emily had a lovely evening at the non-prom and went for a late-night swim to end the day even more perfectly. Afterwards, while they were smooching, Zander felt some movement in his trunks and said maybe they better call it a night. Emily said she didn't want to call it a night so Zander hung out the "If this boathouse is rockin', don't come a-knockin'" sign and they went inside for some soft-lighted, mushy-music-playing nookie. Emily be a virgin no more!!

There was something between Skye and Sonny but quite frankly, I find Sonny so obnoxious lately that I barely paid attention. I heard him say something to Skye about "I once lived in Pine Valley, too, but my friends called me Nico back then," but the rest of the conversation was your usual conniving chatter between two immoral idiots. Ned eavesdropped on their conversation and asked Skye if she was planning to sell out the Q family. Skye rolled her eyes and said, "Well, DUH!"

Alexis told Sonny that he was obnoxious, chauvinistic and blatantly broken-hearted. Sonny told Alexis that she was annoying, verbose and blatantly overpriced. Alexis then said, "Whew, do you feel as horny as I do right now?" Sonny said yes, but since he already had sex with the two hookers from his dinner party, he didn't think he'd be able to perform very well

Taggert arrested Lucky and brought him down to the jailhouse. Scotty represented him. Liz was all frazzled and felt horrible when Taggert brought Lucky down to his cell. "Lucky!" she yelled. "Just remember that 'Jailhouse Rock' medley we did at the Nurse's Ball! Pretend that you're still onstage!" As Lucky was being pulled away, we could hear the faint sound of his voice saying, "That wasn't me ... that was Jonathan Jackson .." The whole cast sobbed at the mention of Jonathan's name.

Luke was extremely angry at Helena and told Roy he was going to bomb her yacht and get rid of her for once and for all. He took out his ACME Bombing Kit but then decided that hey, the danged kit never worked for Wile E. Coyote, so why should it work for him? He was so upset that he tipped his desk over and screamed, "Why? Why me? Why must I always be the Coyote to Helena's Road Runner?" Roy mumbled something unintelligible and Luke nodded politely like he understood.

Meanwhile, Helena was getting more and more aroused looking at a nekkie Robert Kelker-Kelly laying in his frozen chamber. "My dear dear Stavros," she cooed, "I'm so glad to see that the 'shrinkage' thing doesn't apply to you, my virile, sexy and well-hung firstborn!" She then cursed Stefan for having Lucky arrested but when she placed her hand on the frozen chamber, Stavros put his hand against hers which made Helena very happy. She then placed a call to her two bumbling goons to see if those dadgum Dalmatians were ready to be slaughtered yet or not.

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Laura and Scotty went to Spoon Island to talk Stefan out of pressing charges against Lucky. When Scotty's lawyer talk failed to impress Stefan, Laura asked to speak with Stefan alone. She told him to hurry up and pull his pants down -- if she had to sex him up to get her son out of jail, then so be it. Stefan said that Laura's motherly concern didn't impress him, and neither did her ass. 

Meanwhile, back in jail, Lucky was delighted when Liz, Gia and Nikolas all came to visit him. He said he was glad the PCPD had such lax rules about the comings and goings of visitors and was even MORE delighted when he saw that Liz had smuggled him in some hash brownies, while Gia brought him a few copies of Swank and Nikolas, ever the practical older brother, brought him mousse, gel, a hair dryer and a full-length mirror. Nik later got Liz and Gia to tell Stefan that they had witnessed Stefan attacking Lucky but were too speechless to speak, thus explaining why Stefan didn't see them. Nikolas then said that there was no way in H E double-toothpicks that he would re-join the Cassadine family and that, quite frankly, Stefan was an idiot to think that Nikolas loved Lucky enough to do that. "He's no Jonathan Jackson, you know," Nikolas smirked. Everyone chuckled. 

Zander and Emily woke up in each other's arms after a night of soft-light, mushy-music sex. "Was I dreaming?" Emily asked. Her abdominal pains and light spotting proved that no,  she was not. Zander got all romantic and told Emily that their lovemaking the night before was not a joke for him, and that one day he'd be good enough to marry her. Emily told him he might want to consider speeding up the self-improvement process since she didn't re-sign her GH contract and would be long gone by summer's end. "Will you be recast?" Zander asked. Emily shrugged.

Sorel was as happy as a clam when Sonny stopped by with a birthday present for him. "For me!?" Sorel squealed like a little girly mobster. He then heard the ticking and almost broke down in tears when he realized Sonny had probably bought him a REALLY expensive watch

Ned told the Q family that Skye  tried to get Sonny to join her in bringing down ELQ. Monica was secretly thrilled by the news, since HER secret, illegitimate daughter now officially had higher morals than Alan's secret, illegitimate daughter. AJ was thrilled because he was now thisclose to not being the resident family fuck-up anymore. Skye later cried some crocodile tears and told the Qs that the only reason she tried to side with Sonny is because Edward had told her to do whatever necessary to get Sonny's ELQ stock back. Skye then ran out of the room as Alan called after her. He then asked the family if they were happy now. Monica said yes, Edward just grumbled and Ned said he'd be happier if Skye had maybe flashed a bit of tit. 

Skye went to the boathouse and saw Zander and Emily snuggling. She went in and introduced herself to Zander and told him that while "a certain someone" wasn't re-signing her GH contract, she herself was not the type to look a gift horse in the mouth and would remain on GH as long as they wanted her. She also said that if he got lonely without Emily or didn't like the recast, she would always be available for some quickie nookie. Zander gave her a high five and complimented Emily on having such a "hot sister." Later, however, Skye threatened to tell the Qs about having found Zander and Emily at the boathouse so she could make Emily look bad. Emily gave Skye an evil look. Skye gave Emily the evil eye. Zander just stood silent, wondering if Skye swallowed.

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Luke and Laura discussed what to do about Lucky. Luke said that Lucky was safer in jail, where he was away from Helena's influence. Laura said she couldn't bear the thought of deliberately keeping her son in jail. Luke told Laura she never felt guilty about anything before, why the heck start now? Luke comforted her and told her he'd find a way to blame it all on Nikolas. Laura smiled, cried a bit and thanked Luke for being so good to her. Luke then told Taggert that he didn't want any Cassadines visiting Lucky while he was in jail, especially Helena. Taggert said he'd do what he could and then told Luke to stop talking and acting like a black man. Luke bristled and said he was NOT trying to act like a black man, he was trying to act like a really cool albino.

Helena went to see Stefan and ask him to drop the charges against Lucky. She claimed it would be a gesture of good faith and might convince Nikolas to come back into the family but Stefan smirked at her and told her he knew danged well that she just wanted Lucky out of jail so she could continue her brainwashing program. Helena said that was ridiculous. Stefan then made some disparaging comments about Stavros and demanded to know if Helena ever had sex with Lucky, and if she DID, what was so wrong with HIM that she'd never have sex with HIM? Huh?

Sonny slipped into the jail to pay Sorel a visit. Sonny was carrying a present that was wrapped identically to the one Sorel sent to Sonny's apartment, the one with a bomb in it. Sorel started to shriek like a girly mobster when he heard Sonny's present ticking. Sonny slowly started to unwrap the present and Sorel began to calm down, enjoying Sonny's slow, sensual movements with the bow .. then the ribbon .. "Don't open the box yet," Sorel begged, "I have to get my Kleenex ready!" Sonny opened the box anyway and revealed not a bomb, but a kitchen timer. Sorel was embarrassed by the wet spot he now had on the front of his pants.

Meanwhile, Helena donned some big owl glasses and borrowed some of Laura's dressy clothes to slip into the jail as a cleaning lady. She picked up the box that Sonny had left behind and squealed with delight. "A kitchen timer!" she exclaimed. She then winked at Lucky, to let him know that no matter where he went or how hard his parents tried to protect him, she would always be able to get to him. Lucky saw the kitchen timer in her hand and suddenly got an insatiable craving for a hard-boiled egg. "Will your torture never stop?" he wailed.

*~*~*~* Zander and Emily waited with baited breath to see if Skye would spill the beans about having seen them in post-coital bliss at the boathouse. Zander and Emily professed their love for one another in front of the family and defiantly told Skye she could say whatever she wanted. Skye didn't say anything, at which point Zander said he had to go home to change his underwear. "I shit a brick," he confided to Emily.

Later, Skye went to Emily's room and pretended to play the loving big sister with her. Emily rolled her eyes and told Skye that after everything she had been through, she wasn't scared of Skye at all -- unless, of course, she inherited her mother's fashion sense, in which case Emily might develop an irrational phobia of brooches and silk scarves.

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Bobbie walked in on Steff-ON as he was breaking into Luke's safe, from which he managed to steal the disks. Bobbie told Steff-ON to give her the disks back but Steff-ON made a hasty getaway, thwarted by the evil Dr. DiLucca. Dr. DiLucca put Steff-ON in a Vulcan head grip, face-down on Luke's desk and told him never to lay a finger on a woman ever again unless it was to initiate a good fluck session. After Steff-ON left, the evil Dr. DiLucca told Bobbie that hey, speaking of sex, they'd been separated for 20 years during his fake death period and wasn't it high time they got back to having sex and ignoring Lucas again? Bobbie took a deep breath, pursed her lips, tilted her head to the side and exhaled. The evil Dr. DiLucca took that as a Maybe. 

Laura broke the news to Elizabeth that the engagement ring Lucky gave her was the very ring that Stavros gave Laura when he forced her to marry him. Liz wanted to remain on the Isle of De Nile, but Nikolas assured her that he had seen the ring before and it did indeed belong to his father. Liz took the ring off and said she wasn't going to wear it anymore because dadgummit, either Lucky gives her NEW jewelry or none at all! Laura complimented her on her high moral principles while Nikolas reminded Liz that if Lucky gave her a ring he paid for himself, it just might have the words "Cracker Jack" inscribed on it. Liz said she would think about that.

Meanwhile, Scotty and Gia waited outside the interrogation room, a little miffed that they weren't being told what was going on. Gia took the opportunity to tell Scotty that the "Sonny Crockett/Miami Vice" look went out in 1985 and for pete's sake, never ever wear Robin Egg blue EVER! Scotty made a note of it.

Helena, still dressed as a lowly scrubwoman, showed Lucky the Ice Princess to remind him that she had control over his mind no matter where he went. She then showed Lucky the Rubbermaid gloves she was wearing and said a "deep probing" would be necessary, just because she felt like it. Sadly, she was interrupted by the sound of Luke and Kevin Collins arriving but she told Lucky she'd be back, and next time she would NOT be bringing any lube with her.

Lucky was pissed that Luke brought Kevin to the jail, but decided to let Kevin hypnotize him just to shut Luke up. Kevin told Lucky to count backwards from 100 and when he was sure Lucky was in a deep hypnotic state, he made Lucky cluck like a chicken and mimic laying eggs, just cuz he felt like it. He then tried to get Lucky to tell him what it is that draws him to Helena, but Lucky was too embarrassed to admit that what draws him to her over and over again is the sweet smell of Ben-Gay in the springtime.

Gia got Emily to tell her about Lucky being brainwashed by tricking her into thinking she already knew about it. Emily told Gia she brought her dress to the dry cleaners to get out the little spots of blood that got on it the night before when she lost her virginity. Gia said to keep the dress as a memento of her high school prom AND the pain of losing one's virginity. It was a sweet moment shared by all!

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Luke was disappointed to hear from Kevin that Lucky's programming was going to be difficult to penetrate. Luke then confided in Kevin that he often has a nightmare in which he's going through a maze "trying to get to Lucky and that whatsherface" -- he felt doom was imminent and that they needed to be saved from it but he could never get to them. Instead, he saw hands reaching towards him telling him that if he would put himself in "her" hands, everything would be all right. Kevin asked Luke if he had any idea who the hands belonged to, and Luke said they probably belonged to Tammy, whom he's been meaning to go see for a good hand job. Kevin said he was stressed out these days, too, and just might do the same thing. They chortled.

Nik was touched when Gia said she wanted to help HIM, not Lucky, in these difficult times. Nikolas told her he was stunned and that nobody had ever wanted to put him first, not even his sainted mother, Laura. He confided in Gia that he once had a crush on Liz and Gia asked if Liz had ever touched his wee-wee. Nik said no. Gia was glad, saying she had a "thing" about touching wee-wee's that have been exposed to Liz's cooties

Liz went to see Lucky in jail and told him to just go along with Kevin to prove that everybody was wrong about Lucky being brainwashed. Lucky told Liz that he would do it ONLY if she put her engagement ring back on. Liz said it was turning her finger green, but Lucky said that if she really loved him, she would even let her finger fall OFF if that's what he demanded, woman! Liz said he was sounding more and more like his father every day. Luke told Liz she was acting more and more like Laura and why didn't she turn around and show him some ass. Liz turned around and showed him some ass, which caused Lucky to douse his cell with lighter fluid and set it on fire. Liz wondered why her ass always has that effect on men.

Laura told Scotty about Lucky's programming and Scotty assured her that they would get through it together. Laura thanked him and said that was especially generous of him, considering she was only stringing him along until she and Luke got back together. *~*~*~* Luke then showed up at the house and told Laura that he wanted to see whatsherface on the off chance that maybe if he LOOKED at her, he'd remember her name. Luke then sat by Lulu's bedside and told her a really creepy bedtime stories about blood monsters and evil vampires and little girls who don't stand a chance in Hell of being loved by their fathers. Lulu slept comfortably.

Helena was delighted to see Robert Kelker-Kelly  open his eyes and cried big ole tears all over his popsicle chamber. She told him to please go back to sleep because he would need it when all the evil Soapzoners start picking apart his every move and every word. Robert Kelker-Kelly closed his eyes tightly shut, trying desperately not to think about how badly he had to pee.

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