Sarah McLachlan announced the return of Carly's pink-camisoled ghost. Sure enough, when Sonny turned around, Carly was standing there. Sonny told himself he HAD to stop playing that danged Sarah McLachlan record and then fled from the house to ask Alexis out to dinner. Alexis dolled herself up quite nicely and went with him to the Port Charles Grille, where a hooker named Jasmine sauntered up to Sonny and offered him a free hand job if he'd just meet her in the parking lot. Sonny refused but later asked Alexis when the heck Tammy changed her name. Alexis told Sonny to just admit he missed Carly a lot and that he still loved her. Sonny told her that that was NOT the reason he turned down the hand job; it was just because he'd taken care of that himself while flipping through one of Carly's Victoria Secret catalogues. Alexis rolled her eyes. Sonny said Stephanie Seymour was hot. 

Nik and Gia danced in the 30watt fake moonlight. Nik told Gia that he loved her very much and that since he had been trapped in the psychedelic flower shirt for so many episodes of GH, he was now going to refuse to wear shirts altogether. Gia called him a rebel. Nik said Gia should show her support by also going topless but just as she was about to unpop the last snap on her bra, the radio announcer announced that there was a fire at the jail. Nik got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna KILL that bastard brother of mine!" Gia reminded him that technically HE was the bastard son, but Nik just told her to give him a quick flash of boob and shut up.

Liz and Laura were stunned when they realized that Lucky had been kidnapped by Helena again. Luke went to get his gun. He didn't really want to kill anyone but he liked standing in front of the mirror and posing with the gun to look cool. He was sitting outside the 7-11 when Flea came out carrying a pint of Marshmallow Mommy Madness ice cream and saw his gun. Luke told her maybe he was going to kill Helena. Flea said she did NOT buy this ice cream cuz she was depressed about him dumping her and needed some fatty, sugary comfort food. Luke said he didn't care about her stupid comfort food and headed off to the yacht. Flea followed him and told him to think about what this would do to his kids, if he was arrested for murder and sent away forever. Luke said he didn't care about Lucky since the recast and hell,  couldn't even remember little whatsherface's name, so he had no real good reason NOT to get himself into trouble.

Meanwhile, Lucky went to the Haagen Daz laboratory  to meet with Helena. While there, they played chess and Helena did some more of Lucky's Hooked On Phonics workbook with him. "Repeat after me," she said, "you .. must .. get .. the .. king .. to .. protect ... your .. queen." Lucky tried to repeat it but he knocked the chess game over and whined that the phonics were too hard. Helena calmed him down by reading a few pages of "Red Fish, Blue Fish, One Fish, Two Fish." Lucky sucked his thumb and fell into a quiet slumber right around the page about the guy who likes to box in gox box sox.

While Sonny was alone in his penthouse, he put on some Limp Bizkit and the real Carly appeared. Sonny said if he'd have known that this is all he had to do to get Carly back in the flesh, he would have stopped playing that stupid Sarah McLachlan tape and slapped Limp Bizkit in AGES ago. Carly laughed heartily

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 Sonny opened the door of his penthouse, expecting the pizza delivery guy but instead saw Carly standing there. Sonny asked her since when did she start delivering pizza and Carly called him a silly goose and threw herself in his arms. Sonny was unimpressed and gave Carly a big moral speech about using sex to get what she wants. Carly stepped back in case lightning came crashing through the window, but none came. Carly then said she'd heard that Sorel had escaped from jail and just came back to the penthouse to see if Sonny had been assassinated and if so, to retrieve all the money she'd hidden in various potted plants during her stint as Mrs. Corinthos. Sonny said he had been kind enough to collect it all and put it in a cute little velvet purse for her. Carly took the purse, counted the money and asked Sonny if he could forgive her for what she did. Sonny said he'd have to think about it. They kind of smirked at each other cuz all of this talk of money, betrayal and forgiveness was making them feel randy

Laura and Felicia stood around waiting for Luke to come out of the boys locker room so they could argue over who of the two he looked at first. Luke told them he had to meet some guys at the soda shoppe and did this cheesy wink thing before telling them, "Catch you laters, ladies." Felicia said that Luke looked at her first, but Laura insisted that Luke didn't even NOTICE Felicia but that his eyes were all over Laura. Felicia grabbed Laura's hair while Laura kinda did this dolphin-style slapping at Felicia. Finally, the girl's Phys Ed teacher came out and told them to knock it off or they'd BOTH be getting detention. Laura ran off bawling while Felicia pulled out the flask she had concealed in her Jiggly Puff knapsack and took a swig of Jack Daniels.

Nikolas went to see Luke and told him that he would be willing to allow himself to be kidnapped so that Luke could exchange him for Lucky. Luke thanked him for the offer but said that, quite frankly, kidnapping Nikolas wouldn't be a whole heck of a lot of fun unless Nikolas cried like a girly girl and really wanted to get away. Nikolas said he would fake it if it would make Luke better. Laura interrupted and said that Nikolas was very generous to offer himself as a "trade" for Lucky but that, as his mother, she couldn't allow it. When Nikolas asked why, Laura replied, "Well, I just want you to be safe and hang around a bit in case I ever decide to give a shit about you." Nikolas' lower lip trembled and he told Laura that was the nicest thing she'd ever said to him. Laura shrugged and told him to get lost, please, because she wanted to talk to Luke about the son she "REALLY loves." Nikolas grabbed some Kleenex, dabbed the tears from his eyes and walked away.

Liz and Gia formed an unlikely alliance as Liz confided in Gia all about Lucky's brainwashing. She told Gia that Nikolas was NOTHING like the other Cassadines. "There's something fundamint-- fundalinka-- err, something fundimanka-- Wait, there's something fucking different about Helena and Stefan," Liz said. She slapped her head in embarrassment and Gia giggled that maybe Liz should lay off the Peach Shnapp's. Gia later suggested that the girls go out and see if they could find Lucky themselves and Liz said she had an idea where they could start looking. She then asked if it was a good idea if they go out without Buttercup. Gia said Buttercup was too busy mooning over Zander to care right now anyway. Off they sped.

Meanwhile, Buttercup was startled when Zander showed up just as she was writing about him in her journal. She reluctantly allowed Zander to read it. Zander read, "Last night Zander and I did it. Oh diary, the pain! the blood! the agony of it all! Despite all of that, diary, Zander was the best lover in the world. He was better than I ever could have imagined." Emily frowned at him and said that wasn't even what her diary said! Zander shrugged and said he made it up cuz he never learned how to read. Buttercup ruffled his hair and asked if he'd mind if she called him "Stupid Illiterate Bastard" during their lovemaking sessions. Zander was touched. "You would do that for me?" he asked in amazement. "Anything for you," Emily replied. They kissed.

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Carly did some more begging today, pleading with Sonny to not be angry with her, to trust her again and especially to help her conceive another hate child. Sonny could not be moved. He gave Carly the key to the penthouse and said he was leaving. Carly then flung herself against the door and cried and howled that oh please please don't leave, don't leave! Sonny said he had an appointment with a dead woman and went to Lily's grave. Meanwhile, Carly talked to someone who was allegedly Michael on the phone, but considering the fact that he appeared to be talking, I'm willing to wager it wasn't Michael at all. Meanwhile, Sonny told Lily about his problems with Carly and asked her to show him how to forgive. Lily responded that hey, she would just love to help him but she's dead here!!! Meanwhile, Sorel snuck up on Sonny and stabbed him. Lily said if that wound was fatal, she just might be able to help him with that forgiveness thing after all.

Luke and Laura sat around debating what they should do about Helena. Luke said he thought they should partner up and put their heads together to see what they could come up with. Laura said she thought that was a great idea but added that she was distracted by the "$0.99/lb" sticker on Luke's potato sack shirt. Luke felt embarrassed. Laura later sat down at the computer and asked Luke how to turn it on. Luke misunderstood and told her to rub it a bit, maybe spit on it and get some up and down motion going. Laura said she meant the computer. Luke embarrassedly said, "Uhh, yeah, that's what *I* was talking about, too." Laura shook her head. Luke smiled.

Meanwhile, Bubbles and Blossom broke into Windemere to see if they could find some clues as to what happened to Lucky. Before leaving for Windemere, however, they got out their big weapons -- mascara, lip gloss and hair accessories. "If we're going to fight crime," said Blossom, "let's at LEAST be fashionable!" They later flew to Spoon Island and managed to get past the crocodiles, the guard dogs, the laser beam alarm system AND Mrs. Lansbury and into Stefan's office, where they promptly got their fingerprints all over everything and knocked over some expensive antiques. Bubbles later hid inside an alcove, where she was discovered by Nikolas, while Blossom was caught red-handed by Stefan in his office. He told her that he learned a really cool move when he tried breaking into Luke's office that would involve him pinning her arms behind her back and bending her over the desk. Blossom blushed deeply but sadly, Stefan's move was interrupted by Nikolas and Bubbles. Stefan winked at Blossom and Blossom winked back. "Next time," he mouthed seductively. 

Melissa stopped in at Jake's when her car broke down. Jake introduced her to a mechanic who happened to be there, getting shitfaced. Of course, Roy stopped by and was shocked to see that Melissa was a little drunk and eating onion rings. "You never liked onion rings when you were with me," Roy sniffled. "You never liked onion breath," Melissa said. There was an awkward silence. Melissa then introduced Roy to her new friends -- Bruno, the mechanic, Stan with the heavy split ends and Gregory, the token black character. Since Melissa's car wouldn't be ready until morning, Roy said he would bring her back to his place. Melissa reminded him that a drunk woman can't consent to sex, and Roy said that never stopped Bobbie before but okay.

Helena and Tony hovered over Robert Kelker-Kelly's icy coffin, and Helena asked when would she be able to get Robert out of there. Tony checked his watch and said probably tomorrow, around 1 pm or so. Helena clasped her hands together and said, "Oh joy, oh joy, at last I'll hug my boy!" Robert Kelker-Kelly continued to press against the glass. Helena told him to please take it easy and he would be out of there soon enough. Sadly, Robert Kelker-Kelly was merely trying to tell the cast and crew that he was running out of oxygen, but everyone just chuckled at his wacky pantomime antics instead. Brad Maule made a mental note to use Robert as his partner if ever the gang decided to play Charades.

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Bobbie went over to see Carly and was stunned by how thin and different she looked. "Martinique really agreed with you, honey!" she said. Carly squinted a little and then said, "Oh, right! You're Bobbie!" They then went back into character mode and bonded over a copy of the Kama Sutra, discussing their man problems and the sexual positions they should have tried to keep them interested only in them. "I like this one," Bobbie said, pointing to Position #48, "but I can't get my legs over my head. My boobs get in the way." Carly nodded sympathetically. She then told Bobbie that she was going to get Sonny to listen to her and forgive her, even if she had to grovel and beg some more. Bobbie said she might try that approach with Roy, even though her "vibe-o-meter" was telling her that Roy was, at that very moment, experiencing an erection outside her presence.

Meanwhile, Roy brought Melissa back to his place. His apartment was barely recognizable without the pre-coital candles burning and the couch sex. Melissa reminisced about their past together and Roy complained that his pants were feeling a little tight. Melissa kissed him and asked him why he didn't take her to baseball games anymore. Roy said it was probably because he doesn't work, doesn't have an income and can't afford the ticket. He then offered to let her see his bat and ball and wiggled his eyebrows seductively. Melissa said she'd love to see his "bat and ball" so Roy went and got an actual baseball bat and an actual baseball out of his closet and showed them to her. Melissa feigned interest. Roy stroked his bat and said it was the only thing he had going for him. Melissa passed out.

Meanwhile, Sonny was rescued from the cemetery by a mysterious figure in white who approached him carrying a rose. Sonny squinted, rubbed his eyes and told the woman that she looked incredibly familiar. The woman replied that she was the perfect amalgam of his two great loves, Lily and Brenda. Sonny shook his head and said, No, that's not why she looked familiar. He then slapped his forehead and said that NOW he remembered where he had seen her before: he had jerked off while looking at her picture in Playboy. The figure, who is known as Angel, frowned and asked him if he could just drop the Playboy thing already. Sonny was suddenly more interested in her than before.

Skye and Alan had a father-daughter moment, wherein they bonded over champagne and Percodan. Alan confessed while chomping down the Percodan that he was a recovering addict and therefore understood the temptations that Skye feels. Skye thanked him for being supportive before asking him to pass the bourbon. Alan said he missed having a fellow addict to commiserate with, because even though both Emily and AJ were recovering addicts, he just didn't have a very close relationship with them. Skye hugged him and told him that he could just consider HER the junkie daughter who cares. Alan wiped tears of joy from his eyes

Emily confided in Monica that she was sleeping with Zander. Monica wasn't very happy about it but said that hey, at least ONE of them was having sex with a perky, taut, muscular guy. Monica then admitted she hadn't experienced that since she slept with that evil doctor that she murdered. Emily patted Monica's hand and told her she was SURE there would be another short-term affair in her life. Monica wiped tears of joy from her eyes.

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Luke and Laura tried to break the code on Helena's disks again, but thought that maybe they weren't putting the passwords in the right order. Laura suggested they try the names of Stavros' dogs, which triggered a memory of her befriending one of the dogs and being punished for that by waking up with the dog's bloody collar on her pillow. Luke asked her why the fuck she didn't befriend Helena instead. Luke then went to the hospital to confront Tony and demanded that Tony tell him EVERYTHING he knew about Helena. Tony said she was about 65, quite attractive for an older woman but that she wore too much lip gloss and had a tendency to dominate in bed. Luke checked his notebook and let Tony go. "It pans out," Luke said. 

Elizabeth called Laura to let her know that she found Lucky at the boxcar. Elizabeth told Lucky that she thought the programming was back and asked him a bunch of questions to see if he remembered where he had been, what he had been doing and who he had been doing it with before finding his way back to the boxcar. Lucky admitted that he was having huge lapses of memory and that maybe it was time to see Kevin again. Liz then hugged Lucky close and squealed, "Oooo, is that a chess piece in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Lucky said it was just a chess piece. Liz then said it was amazing how they were both the same shape and size. Lucky sobbed and asked her not to remind him of a "certain" physical deformity.

~*~*~*~*~   Alexis confronted Carly and asked her what her plans were for ruining Sonny's life this time. Carly said it was none of Alexis' beeswax but added that oh baby, the next phase of Operation: Screw Sonny Over was going to be a doozie! Carly then asked Alexis if she had been coming over to hang out with Sonny while she was gone, trying to hone in on her man. Alexis admitted that she DID come over often, but only when she was hungry and could smell the scent of grilled salmon wafting across the hallway. Carly then told Alexis to keep her shirt buttoned and her pants on and to stay away from Sonny. Alexis reminded Carly that she had never been unbuttoned in her life, not even during sex, and therefore Carly had very little to worry about. Carly narrowed her eyes. Alexis narrowed HER eyes. Meanwhile, a tumbleweed rolled by.

Melissa was stunned to wake up in Roy's bed and asked Roy how she got there. Roy flashed his "Sporty Spice" grin, twirled her shoe around till it knocked him in the face and then mumbled something. Melissa said she must still be drunk cuz she couldn't understand a thing Roy was saying. Roy mumbled some more, and then Melissa remembered that Roy ALWAYS sounds that way. Roy then told Melissa to take a shower while he picked up breakfast. "I have a pulsating, hand-held shower head, just like you like," he said. Melissa was overwhelmed with emotion.

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