Monday, June 11 ~ Tuesday, June 12 ~ Wednesday, June 13 ~

Thursday, June 14th and Friday, June 15th

Make up a recap yourself. I missed all three days. Or perhaps I watched them but was bored shitless. Either way, they ain't here >:)

Liz and Lucky went over to Nikolas's cottage with a vanilla Bundt cake and some Chunky Monkey Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Nik was thrilled to get some of his favorite ice cream but was surprized when Liz and Lucky dropped the news on him that they wanted to move into the cottage in order to keep Lucky safe from Helena. Nik said he would do anything he could to keep Lucky safe and maybe catch a glimpse of Liz's booty, but he said Gia would have to agree to the plan as well. Gia said she didn't want to have "Freak-O Mind Control Guy" in her house and expressed her concerns that maybe Lucky had been programmed to harm Nik! Maybe he had been programmed to cut her braids right off her head while she slept! Liz called Gia an insensitive bitch but Lucky was surprisingly understanding. "Liz, I AM Freak-O Mind Control Guy," he reminded her and then started to do some funky break dance moves as he belted out a very WHITE version of "Super Freak." It all ended with Gia agreeing to let Lucky move in. 

The next day, Liz and Lucky moved all of their crap into the cottage and Liz, being all sweaty, decided to take a shower. She did what all human beings do: she turned the hot water on and let it run for five minutes while she went to look for a bar of soap. Meanwhile, Nik came into the bathroom to do Number One and decided that since the hot water was running and the shower was empty, he'd scrub himself down while he was there. Liz then did what all human beings do: she got into the shower naked without checking for spiders, hair clogs or human beings. Nik and Liz turned around and screamed when they saw one another nekkie. Lucky and Gia ran inside to see what the fuss was about. Liz insisted she didn't know Nik was in the shower. Nik insisted he didn't see ANY of Elizabeth's naked body except for her perky booby, but blew his cover when he asked Gia why SHE didn't shave, too! 

AJ was pissed off when he learned that Michael was out of the country with Leticia after AJ volunteered to baby-sit Michael if Carly ever needed a depressed and pouty drunk to help her with their son. He went home and moped to Skye about it, who reminded her that the longer Sonny stayed away, the better it would work for AJ in court. AJ rubbed his chin deviously. Meanwhile, the Q family was arguing about Emily and Zander's safety while Sorel was still at large, and they all shivered with fear when the theme from "Jaws" started and the hum of Lila's electric wheelchair could be heard in the hallway. "She's COMING!" Alan squealed. Edward licked his hand and smoothed his hair back. Monica hid behind a desk. Sure enough, Lila Quartermaine entered the Q living room with Emily's valedictorian speech and demanded that Alan read the part where Emily talked about family. Alan read Emily's very moving words, and Lila snatched the paper out of his hand and demanded to know why that "lame-ass daughter of his" hadn't mentioned Lila specifically by name after everything she had done for her. Everyone cowered at Lila's mounting anger and AJ quickly excused himself so he could change his pants. Lila chased after him in her electric wheelchair, berating him all the way for being a "sissy boy who shits his pants whenever things get hairy!" Alan, Monica and Edward all broke down crying, the tension too much to bear after Lila's visit to the Q living room. 

Meanwhile, Skye was jealous at all of the attention that Emily was getting and offered to give her and Zander money to run away together. When Zander went to his apartment and found a threatening letter there that was made by the same guy who designed the cover of "Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's The Sex Pistols," he decided they should take Skye up on her offer. Skye was reluctant, however, now that Alan had tossed her a couple of doggie biscuits to make her feel loved, but she had a new determination to get Emily out of the house when she saw everyone make a fuss over Em's graduation again. "Nobody ever took pictures of me at MY graduation," Skye said, and realized in hindsight that that was probably a good thing, since she spent her grad night on her back during a drunken orgy with six of her closest male classmates. "Video would have been the way to go," she reminisced with a smile on her face.

Sonny's fever was causing him to hallucinate. He dreamed he saw Carly telling him how much she loved him as he felt blood trickling down his side. "You stabbed me in the back!" he howled. Carly pointed out that one little backstabbing incident was NO reason to throw away a marriage based on mistrust, lust and a one-night quickie that led to a miscarried baby. When Sonny woke up, Angel was laying next to him with her arm wrapped around him. Sonny asked her what she was doing, and Angel said his fever seemed to be giving him chills and she was warming him up. Sonny asked if it was really necessary to keep her hand on his dick. Angel said she believed the friction would get his blood pumping. Sonny told her to keep going and then a couple minutes later said he needed clean sheets. Angel asked him if he treated ALL his women like slaves. Sonny said yes. Angel admitted to being very sexually aroused.

Felicia was surprised to run into Luke at the hospital and hear him say he wanted to give her another try. "We may have solved everything up here," he said, tapping on his head, "but not down here," he added, pointing to his crotch. Felicia grimaced a bit and told Luke to forget about it, but Luke grinned to himself when he saw Flea walk away, leaving a huge puddle behind. She sloshed her way to her house where she and Mac practiced for the Nurse's Ball. Mac told Flea that her heart didn't seem to be into it. She said she was just sluggish because of all the fluids she lost when she ran into Luke at the hospital. Mac said that they had given a reconciliation their best shot and maybe it was time to give it up. Flea said there was only one way to find out if the magic was really gone. She straddled Mac, kissed him as passionately as she could and then sighed. "Nope, this doesn't work," she said. "No matter how hard I close my eyes, I still can tell you're not Luke." Felicia then got off of Mac and was embarrassed when she saw the big wet spot she had left on his pants.

Laura surprised Scotty by laying a big kiss on him. Scotty then told Laura that Luke still hadn't signed the property settlement and that if he didn't do so within the next 24 hours, their divorce would be considered null and void. Laura asked if that was legal and Scotty admitted that it was just a stupid legal thing concocted by TPTB to build up excitement over the L&L divorce. Laura then checked her script and said that this was the place where she goes to Luke's apartment, which is precisely what she did. Luke stalled about signing the property settlement by trying to find a pen that worked. As he searched for a pen, he came across a bunch of artifacts that reminded Luke and Laura about their 19-1/2 years together. "Awww, the arrowhead!" Laura gushed. "And look at this," Luke said, "the used condom from that time we boinked behind our pub in Dublin!" Laura wiped a tear from her eye. Luke showed her some Polaroids he had of him and Laura in various sexual positions. "You never looked lovelier," he told her, "than when you had your legs wrapped around your head." Laura smiled and said, "Thank you." Luke finally found a pen but stalled as he was about to sign his name. Suddenly, he said, he couldn't remember why they were divorcing in the first place. "Because," Laura sobbed, "ABC can't capitalize on our 20th Wedding Anniversary in November if they don't divorce us now and re-marry us in five months." Luke nodded and pressed his pen against the documents but still couldn't bring himself around to signing. "I don't know," he said, "if I want to make Jill Farren Phelps that happy." They then gazed longingly in each other's eyes, a plan of mischief concocting in their heads.