July 8, 2002 ~ Carly told Sonny that she was infertile. "The dynamite incident?" Sonny asked. Carly just nodded silently. Sonny cursed AJ for dynamiting Carly's fallopian tubes and said the only comfort he took in all of this was knowing that he stole AJ's son from him and thus exacted a revenge of sorts. "You're the most incredible man," Carly said. Sonny shrugged. "I-a do my-a best-a," he said. ~ Later, Carly bumped into Alexis and thanked her for telling Sonny about embezzling the money as they were now bonded even MORE by their mutual pathetic-ness. "You're welcome, bitch face," Alexis smiled. Carly then inadvertently revealed that she knew that Alexis was pregnant with Sonny's child. "You're crazy if you think he's going to want some one-night-stand baby," Carly snarled. "Well, at least it's not a hate baby," Alexis said. "Touché," Carly said.

Jason phoney-punched the security guard at the cemetery. "Ouch, that almost made contact," the security guard whimpered. Jason phoney-punched him again, melted the steel gates of the cemetery with his steely stare but realized that not even his superhuman stare could melt the steel of the lock that separated him from Elizabeth and a guaranteed front page story in the Port Charles Herald. Jason stared for hours but finally decided to open the lock with his credit card. He managed to save Elizabeth but it wasn't until she awoke from her gas-inflicted unconsciousness that Zander's presence in the crypt was revealed. "Stay here, Robin," said Super Sonny, "I'll save Zander!" "Holy crapped-out gas lines," Robin zoinked. Just as Super Sonny was about to enter the crypt, there was a huge explosion that sent everyone flying. "I knew I shouldn't have lit this Marlboro," Super Sonny said.

Roy informed Felicia that he had used the entire million dollars to buy Pier 1 Imports. He then popped open a bottle of champagne for them to celebrate with, but Felicia said she had an early morning beating Maxie and had to go home. Roy swished his champagne and spilled some. "Lick that up for me," he said to Felicia, wiggling his eyebrows. "Just use some paper towels," Felicia said. "Paper towels aren't as arousing OR absorbent," Roy said, his voice thick with sexual innuendo. "Not even Brawny?" Felicia asked. "Well," Roy confessed, "Brawny does bear a striking resemblance to the construction worker from the Village People ..." Felicia slowly backed away and out the door. (TOP)
 

July 9, 2002 ~ Laura had a nightmare about the attic and immediately called Luke to tell him about the nightmare. "Maybe you're having nightmares cuz Rick molested you up there," Luke said. "Nah," Laura replied, "I really think it's the Smiley Face Lamp." Luke conceded that she had a point. ~ Later, Luke confronted Rick and demanded to know why he was in Port Charles. Rick said he just really REALLY wanted to meet Leslie Lu, if you know what he means,  heh heh heh. "Oh, she's got a whole Sunshine Girl troupe that's just as cute as she is," Luke said. "Keep talkin', keep talkin'," Rick said all perverted-like.

The crypt exploded and Sonny did a perfect pirouette onto the cemetery lawn. "Good thing I have my tutu under here," he said. Jason just smiled shyly and winked at him. Zander was finally rescued and both he and Elizabeth were rushed to General Hospital, where Sarah and Lucky arrived just in time for Liz to dismiss them with a condescending wave of her hand. Jason pushed Lucky against a wall and told him to leave Liz the fuck alone and not hurt her any more. "Yeah, this whole crypt thing is all MY fault," Lucky smirked. Sonny ordered Jason to leave Lucky the fuck alone and Jason, remembering Sonny's pale blue tutu, did as he was told. "Leave Liz alone," Sonny repeated to Lucky. "Like I'm going to listen to some guy with bed head," Lucky said. "You-a talk-a 'bout anything-a you want-a, but you leave-a da hair-a alone," Sonny threatened. "I have an Emmy," Lucky said. Sonny released Lucky and went into a corner to cry. (TOP)
 

July 11, 2002 ~ Ned frightened Kristina when he joked that maybe he wouldn't want her to move in with him, but then laughed and told her he was just kidding. She threw herself into his arms and he quickly grabbed her throat and said, "Feng Shui one thing in this apartment and I'll kill you." Kristina laughed. Ned narrowed his eyes menacingly. "Yes, Massum," she said.

Carly was all sobby because she heard Alexis' baby's heartbeat in the bed next to hers. Sonny showed up and asked her why she was crying, but she just looked at him and went, "Duh!" Carly then insisted they *would* have a baby of their own if it killed her. "I will ensnare you and entangle you in my life if it's the last thing I do," she swore. "That's my girl," Sonny said. He then reminisced about the baby they might have had. "He'd be toddling around now, playing with Mikey," Sonny sobbed. "Who the fuck is Mikey?" Carly asked. Dr. Bonds, James Bonds, showed up and told them to go home and have a lot of sex now that Carly was pumped up full of fertility drugs. "Woo hoo, ensnarement here I come!" Carly said, pulling her pants off right there in the hallway.

Jason was all pissy with Roy cuz Roy bought Pier 1 Imports. "All that wicker given to a man with a mullet," Jason sighed. Jason was somewhat distracted by Felicia in her sexy shoes but threatened Roy anyway. "I'm going to find out where you got the money if it kills me," Jason said. "Here's hoping," Roy said, lifting his portable champagne flute. Jason later went to Alexis instead of a Private Eye to find out more information on Pier 1 Imports and who was fronting the money to Roy. Jason rifled through some of Alexis' papers and found out some important information. He immediately went scurrying to Sonny's penthouse. "Sonny! Sonny! Alexis is pregnace!" Jason blurted out. The camera tightened in on Sonny's face. No real identifiable emotion was there.

AJ overheard Courtney on the phone with the strip joint owner but assumed it was Edward harassing her. "I'm trying to work off a hangover here!" AJ bellowed into the phone. "You're not helping, asshole," Courtney said. Later, Courtney stopped by the Oasis to take her clothes off for the owner. "So, do I get the job?" Courtney asked. "You had the job yesterday," he said. "I just wanted to see your tits." Courtney blushed and left the club, throwing her bra up in the air on the sidewalk, kinda like Mary Tyler Moore at the beginning of her old show. "I'm off to Frederick's of Hollywood!" she told the nearest passer-by. (TOP)
 

Sonny reacts to the news that Alexis is having his baby
 

July 12, 2002 ~ Felicia and Roy made out on the docks a little bit but refrained from actually removing any clothing and getting *really* nasty. "While no one ever comes by here," Roy said, "you never know: someone MAY decide to take a walk on the docks." Felicia agreed. The Asian guy who was interested in working with them on their Pier 1 Imports venture decided he didn't want to be partners with them after all. "Did Jason threaten you?" Felicia asked. Mr. Generc Asian Man just nodded politely a lot and said something about having to get the fries at Arnold's ready before Richie, Pottsie, Ralph and the Fonz showed up, demanding their after-school snacks. Later, Jason swung by to make veiled threats at Roy and call Roy a "rat". Roy managed, in between laughing his ass off, to remind Jason that the whole "You forced Carly to rat Sonny out" story angle wasn't being bought by ANYONE. Jason limped away sadly.

Jason decided this was his truth to tell and told Sonny that Alexis was pregnant. "She's having my baby!?" Sonny squealed. "What a lovely way to say how much she loves me!" Sonny was later worried that maybe he was NOT the father of the baby after all: "Let's face it, we only slept together once. No woman could get pregnant after only ONE TIME! Why, never in the history of the human race has a woman ever gotten pregnant after a one-night stand with me. Never! Never!" Sonny later told Carly that he "hadda to go-a" and see Alexis to find out if he was the father of her baby. Carly sniffled and said if Sonny left, not to expect her to be there when he got back. "Stoppa you giving me-a dee incentive-a!" Sonny bellowed. Sonny went to Alexis' new apartment but the need to pimp dramatic tension prevented either of them from saying a word. (TOP)