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General Shmospital Recap
for July 16 - July 20

 

Monday, July 16 & Tuesday, July 17 Wednesday, July 18 Thursday, July 19 Friday, July 20

Laura was petrified after finding the photograph of her and Stavros as well as the crimson rose with the engagement ring tucked inside it. Though Stavros was lurking behind her in the stairway, he never did confront her about her horrible monochromatic pantsuit. Laura almost jumped out of her skin when she saw a shadow outside and was so relieved to see Stefan that she threw herself into his arms. Stefan felt up her butt a bit but Laura interrupted him by saying, "No time for that, Stefan! Someone's in the house!" Stefan searched the house and found nothing, and told Laura he needed to talk to her in order to make amends for the past. Stavros perched himself at the top of the stairs and listened in with amusement. "I have a chance at love again," Stefan told Laura, "and I don't want to ruin it." Stavros quietly slipped past them and whispered, "Just making some popcorn. Go on, shh, just ignore me," but Stefan and Laura had a hard time understanding one another over the sound of the popcorn popper. "Who IS that guy?" Stefan asked. Laura said she wasn't sure but she's seen him a few times in the past couple of weeks and man, did he ever remind her of Stavros. She was interrupted when Stavros, with a mouth full of popcorn and bowl of it in his hands, slinked by again apologetically and motioned for them to go on. Stefan sighed and told Laura that if he knew anything about Helena's plans, he would let her know right away. He then asked her if he could bring her to the Port Charles Hotel but Laura said she was pretty sure Helena was behind all of this and that she was not going to let Helena scare her out of her own home. Besides, she said, the Stavros guy would protect her if she needed it. Stefan left, reassured that Laura would be safe.

Luke held Tony at gunpoint and ordered him to tell him what kind of nuttiness Helena was up to these days. Tony said he was sorry, but he just couldn't help Luke out this time. Luke threw Tony in a chair and said, "Listen, mo-fo, you're going to spill the beans. Tell me, how come Lucas never ages? How do they get the caramel inside the Caramilk bar?" Tony broke down crying and screamed, "Leave me alone, dammit! They promised me if I stayed on contract that I wouldn't have these antagonistic scenes anymore!" Luke handed him a Kleenex and said he'd just go back to his own little maze. "Maze?" Tony said, perking up. He then told Luke he was on the right track and left. Luke realized that Helena's latest evil plot had everything to do with cheese.

Mike went to see Angel, pounding on her door, demanding to see Sonny. Angel opened the door and informed Mike that Sonny had gone back to Port Charles. Mike was touched that Sonny hadn't told him, because that meant he loved Mike and was trying to keep him safe from harm. Angel said, "Or he can't stand you so much that he didn't even think about calling you." Mike barged into her home and said he had to call the cops. Angel said that if he dared try calling the cops, she'd rip the phone right outta the phone jack and strangle him with the cord. Mike called her a "crazy, white-wearing bitch" and backed slowly out of the room. Angel sat down and laid out her Tarot cards, clapping her hands with glee when she realized she'd drawn a royal flush. 

Sonny showed up at the penthouse wearing a snappy Versace suit, argyle socks and a cute little bomb. He got Carly, Alexis and Zander out of the penthouse and then goaded Sorel into calling his bluff. Sonny said he'd just spent two weeks with a crazy, white-wearing bitch and didn't care if he lived or died anymore, so either way he'd win. Back in Alexis's penthouse, Carly was secretly hoping that the bomb WOULD go off so that she and Michael could finally move into a more cheerfully-decorated home. Sorel called Sonny's bluff and faster than you can say OhshitwhatwasTHATsound!, the bomb went off and destroyed the entire top floor of the building. Taggert, who had been secretly delighted to finally get some airtime, cursed loudly when he realized he was on the show only to be blown up. After the smoke and dust settled, Taggert woke up with a wicked headache and started to stagger his way to Sonny's penthouse, hoping to get his hands on some of that delicious heroin that Sorel sells on the streets. Sadly, he passed out before he could get there. Carly pleaded with Alexis to wake up so she could take care of Zander but Alexis pretended to be out cold till Carly left the room. "Sucker," Alexis smirked. Carly started searching frantically for Sonny but couldn't find him anywhere, as all of the browns and charcoals of the penthouse pretty well blended in with the charcoaled brown effects of the powerful bomb blast. 

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Luke looked at the blueprints of the hospital and tried desperately to figure out where Helena might have hidden the cheese. He then fell into a waking dream about looking for the cheese in a giant maze, following a big mouse that looked a lot like Stavros. When he snapped out of it, he saw Laura standing before him. She told him about the picture and rose she'd found and Luke said it was time to pack up whatsherface and leave town. "Lulu?" Laura asked. "Shit, is THAT her name?" Luke asked back. Laura agreed that she needed to keep Lulu safe but mentioned that she had other children to worry about. Luke assured her that he would look after Lucky and Nikolas, but mostly Lucky. Laura smiled and hugged him, whispering to him not to go overboard with the looking-over-Nikolas thing. Luke agreed.

Meanwhile, Stavros dined in the basement laboratory, feasting on fois gras and pig's blood. Helena showed up and asked him why he was so danged determined to get Laura back and said she never knew Stavros' dreams were so plebian. Stavros said that if he knew what plebian meant, he'd have one snappy dadgum comment to snap back at her, but as it was, he just didn't know what the word meant. He also asked, if they're Greek, why they didn't speak Greek to one another when they were together. Helena quickly changed the subject and said that soon the Cassadines would achieve full world domination. Stavros said something about Afghanistan, thinking Helena wouldn't know what the word meant but Helena just rolled her eyes at him and told him to smarten up. Stavros accused Helena of having a boner for Luke but Helena said she simply admired his tenacity. Stavros said that, likewise, he simply admired Laura's ta-ta's. He then threw his blazer over one shoulder, finished his wine and said he was going out to get some fresh air and maybe pick up a hooker or two. Helena cursed herself after he was gone for not telling him about this little thing called AIDS ...

Carly heard the alarm on Sonny's watch and dug through the Styrofoam to try and find him. She was surprised when she turned and saw Sonny coming out of the kitchen carrying a plate of leftover cold chicken and asking what was up. She tried to get him to go to the hospital but Sonny refused to budge. Carly asked him if he could please stop talking with his mouth full, so Sonny swallowed and said, "I don't want to go to the hospital." He insisted he was fine, but Carly told him that his hair looked pretty danged disheveled to her. A look of panic and fear rose to his eyes until he realized he and Carly had matching head wounds, then his heart was filled with nothing but love. Downstairs, Angel insisted to Mike that she and Sonny weren't lovers but secretly wished SHE had a matching head wound, too.

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Make it up yourself. Gosh knows *I* always do ...

Laura was packing for her promotional trip for Deception when she finally took notice of her wardrobe and wondered aloud who the *fuck* has been dressing her all this time. She freaked when she heard a noise in the hallway and screamed like a banshee when she saw a shadow approaching, revealing itself to be Nikolas. "Can I *never* get away from you, my disposable son?" she sobbed. Nikolas told Laura that Helena had bought their staged fight earlier that evening and added that Helena had insisted he break up with Gia as a test of his loyalty to the Cassadines. Laura stomped her foot on the ground and snarled, "You mean I hired that braided bitch as the Face of Deception for nothing?" Laura then shook her head at Nikolas and wondered why his good brother Lucky can hold on to a girl but Nikolas just can't! Nikolas slunk away sheepishly

Laura paid a quick visit to Scotty before leaving on her trip. Scotty wanted Laura to stay but she told him that she'd gone out of her way to schedule her visit so that she would be logistically unable to have sex with him, and that he better not ruin her carefully laid out plans for her! Scotty covered his boner with the blankets a bit and said he would be dreaming about her that night. Laura cringed and pushed the Kleenex box closer to him on the nightstand.

Stavros sweet-talked Gia on the docks and told her that perhaps this "Nikolas" guy was just trying to deceive his family and that once he accomplished that, he would call for Gia and make her his queen. Gia sobbed and expressed how broken-hearted he was, and Stavros offered to take her somewhere where he could ply her with alcohol and cheap, dirty foreplay. Gia was just about to take him up on his offer when she was Nikolas standing there. Stavros slinked away, reminding Gia not to sell herself short and for pete's sake, take those stupid extensions off her head.

Nikolas asked who the masked man was but Gia told him it was none of his business. Though Nikolas tried to apologize to Gia for hurting her, Helena showed up and caused Gia to get so angry that she told Helena she was more than welcome to her grandson -- "Have sex with him," she shouted, "just like you did with his father and uncle!" Helena's eyes narrowed angrily as she vehemently insisted that she never had sex with Stefan and that Gia had better take that back. Helena then gave Nikolas the keys to the yacht and told him it was his now, to use for wild orgies, drug parties or just to invite some Tupperware friends over. Nikolas asked Helena if she would be popping over all the time, but Helena insisted she wouldn't, since she'd had the place fitted with secret video cameras and microphones anyway. Nik took the keys and couldn't WAIT to get his first solo Tupperware party happening. "That Madge Bridgeway will be SO jealous," he laughed to himself, thinking of his arch nemesis in the Tupperware game.

Meanwhile, Stavros went into Laura's bedroom and laid a single rose on her pillow. He then pulled out a lacy, sexy nightie and laid that on her bed as well. He knew that Laura would love him when she saw the nightie, as it was probably the nicest piece of clothing in her wardrobe at that moment. He then laid down on the bed and slipped a hand down his pants. Several blocks away, Scotty was still doing the same.

Sonny rushed Carly to General Hospital after she fainted in his doorway. He refused to see her even after she woke up from her coma. "The bomb blast did something to her face," he explained to Roy. "She doesn't look like Carly anymore." Roy nodded neanderthally. Alexis, however, was delighted to see Sonny but told him that if he didn't stop strapping bombs to himself, she'd have to stop playing with him. Sonny pulled a roll of Life Savers out of his pocket and offered her one. Alexis caved. She confessed to Sonny that she didn't like not feeling in control. Sonny said he was the same. Their eyes met and they bonded over their mutual Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders. 

Finally, Angel showed up at the hospital asking about Sorel and wondered why everyone kept mistaking her for a nurse. She asked Amy for an update on Sorel but Amy kept silent. Angel then asked on a scale of one to ten, how bad Sorel was. Amy couldn't reply, so speechless was she to see that Angel could count as high as ten. Later, Sonny peeked into Sorel's room and was stunned to see Angel sitting by his bedside. The silence of an apathetic audience almost shattered the glass in the ICU. 

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