Bad Luke showed up drunk at the General Hospital Charity Auction and was given advice by Good Luke, who also happened to be drunk. Good Luke helped Bad Luke locate his glasses and his Altoids before encouraging him to go into the auction and cause a diversion.

As the two Lukes conversed with one another, Helena used the security cameras to spy on Nikolas and Gia. She was delighted when Nikolas seemed to turn all of his attention towards Elizabeth when she entered but a snickering Stavros asked Helena if *she* wouldn't stare, too, if some chubby-tummied chick came in the room trying to hide her weight gain behind a flimsy auction booklet. Stavros decided this would be a good time to tell Helena that he was going to attend the auction as Gia's date. Helena was horrified until Stavros told her that he was just yanking her chain. He explained that during his 20 years in the deep freeze, he'd developed a bit of a penchant for practical jokes and then asked Helena to pull his finger.

Meanwhile, Gia told Elizabeth that she was more than welcome to Nikolas, since they were both liars and didn't understand the meaning of love. At that moment, a messenger dropped something off for Gia from the mysterious Lucien Cain (aka Stavros) -- it was an apology for not being able to make the auction accompanied by a diamond necklace and some Polaroids of a naked and very erect Lucien. Gia told Nik and Liz that *some* people knew how to send a proper apology and then wondered how Lucien managed to get his boner to curve into a perfect "C" and where she had seen a similar boner before ....

Roy and Melissa went on a camping trip chuckled over the fact that one is a surgical nurse and the other a former FBI Agent yet they didn't have the collective intelligence to put up a pup tent. Since they forgot to bring food with them, Roy snuck off to get some candy bars. Roy waxed poetic about the constellations and noticed that Melissa wasn't listening to him. When he asked her if she was thinking about Leo, Melissa said no, she was just trying to block out the sound of Roy chomping on his Snickers bar and chewing like a cow with his mouth open. Roy said he guessed his bad table manners cancelled out any chance of them having sex later. Melissa said she might be persuaded to have sex if Roy would write down on a piece of paper two sexual things they could do that involved the Snickers bar. Roy could only think of one and sadly, it didn't even require Melissa.

Sonny went to see Angel and sniveled that she lied about her true identity as the daughter of his mortal enemy, Joseph Sorel. Angel said she didn't really lie; she merely didn't mention it. Sonny told her that lies of omission are horrible, horrible sins that will cause the liar to burn in hell for eternity. Angel asked Sonny if his not telling Carly that he stayed at her place during his recuperation was also a lie of omission that would cause him to burn in hell for all of eternity, but Sonny told her that was different and that his countless contributions to the local Catholic church assured him a primo spot on a nice fluffy cloud next to all the other Mafia guys who came before him. 

Sonny asked why Angel invited Carly to stay with her. Angel admitted that she wanted to know more about the woman that Sonny had loved enough to marry, but admitted that she had barely gotten any sleep with all the writhing, moaning and crying for Sonny that was going on. "And Carly wasn't exactly quiet either," Angel snapped. Sonny told Angel she was a big fat white-wearing phony and told her to stay out of his life. Angel said she would do her best to wear beige if he would please not walk out that door but Sonny threw his jacket over his shoulder and concluded dramatically, "I'm already gone, baby!" And with that, he walked out the door and onto Loon Lake, cutting a dashing Mob-esque figure against the twinkling moonlight.

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Roy and Melissa both agreed that they felt much better now that they had written down their dirty Snickers chocolate bar fantasies out on a piece of paper and thrown it in the fire. Roy told Melissa that she looked more relaxed than he'd seen her in ages and Melissa agreed that the tension was gone from Roy's face. "Of course, it's hard to tell cuz your skin has that non-descript Plasticine-y look to it," she said with a smile, "but I think you do look relaxed under there." Roy admitted he didn't feel so down on himself anymore and added, "Speaking of going down ..." and wiggled his eyebrows a bit. Melissa was so freaked out by his wiggling eyebrows that she got down on her knees and pleaded with him to please stop doing that. Roy saw her on her knees and figured he'd gotten his point across just fine, thank you very much. After the blow job, Roy and Melissa realized that a masturbating bear had been watching them the entire time. "I feel so dirty!" Melissa exclaimed. "I wish I had footage to sell to animalsexxxchix.com," Roy pouted. They climbed on to the hood of Melissa's card to have some sex up there. The bear yawned and went for the Snickers bars instead. 

Bad Luke continued to make a scene at the auction, spilling the beans about Nik's scheme to make Helena trust him only so he could get information about Lucky out of her. Nikolas had no choice but to punch Luke in the face to shut him up. Scotty Baldwin, who had just returned from the planet of the apes, snickered as he told Luke that if *he* had punched him out, he'd still be on the floor. Mac then stepped up to Luke and told him that if *he* had punched him out, he'd have done it with a bit of hee-yah high kick to the groin. Taggert then told Luke that if *he* had punched him out, it would have given him about 30 seconds more air time. Luke was hauled out of the auction and handcuffed to a fancy-ass iron railing thingamabobber, which caused Stavros to come out of hiding and taunt him a bit about the fact that the toxin was slowly eating away at Luke's brain. Luke said the joke was actually on Stavros, since the toxin wasn't really making him act all that much differently anyway.

Alexis offered to represent Luke if he would tell her the truth about Nikolas, but Luke wouldn't say anything. Alexis was so mad that she wanted to smash something and later paid $35,000 for a vase that she did just that with. Helena snickered and told Alexis she should have checked the Made In China label before she coughed up all that dough for it. Alexis got even angrier and was soothed back into piss-in-her-pants laughter only by the appearance of Jasper Jax and his dorky haircut.

Stefan was so upset over Nikolas telling him off that he fled to the gardens outside the courthouse. Chloe followed him and told him to just let it all out, and that there was nothing wrong with crying. Stefan bawled his eyes out, causing Chloe to push him off of her and tell him to sheesh, get over it already and what a wussy wimpy boy he was. "Would a wussy wimpy boy propose to you?" Stefan demanded, wiping his tears and snotty nose off on his sleeve. Chloe was so stunned by the proposal that her jaw hung open. A lurking Stavros rolled his eyes when he saw that Stefan was too dense to use this perfect opportunity to get a little oral action out of Chloe. 

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