Roy and Melissa were still being terrorized by a horny Jill Farren Phelps in her bear costume. They wondered what they should do about it when Melissa realized she had a very phallic-shaped banana at her disposal to throw at Jill. "Rub it against your crotch and throw it at her," Melissa pleaded to Roy. Roy did as he was told and sure enough, his musky man scent caught Jill's attention and caused her to head off to sniff and fondle the banana. Melissa and Roy then jumped into their Volvo and sped back to Port Charles.

Bad Luke went to Bobbie's place and pleaded with his sister to hide him. Taggert, however, had no problem finding Luke, since Luke left a trail of empty vodka bottles from the auction to the front steps of the Brownstone. Bobbie asked Taggert to please not arrest Luke, since it would be unfair to put him in jail when nobody else in Port Charles ever seems to. Taggert thought about it a minute, then scuffed his shoe in the sand and said, "Aww, shucks, Mz Spensah, I can't evah no say no t'ya, Ma'am!" With that, he slunk off into Token Ethic Characterland again. Tony showed up and Bobbie asked him to look Luke over to see what the heck was wrong with him. Tony was shocked to realize Helena had injected Luke with the toxin. He expressed his feelings of guilt to Luke but Luke told him not to feel guilty cuz he had to do what he had to do to save Lucas, even if Lucas has a whole other "perpetually young" virus that nobody seems to be noticing. Tony vowed to work night and day to find the antidote. Luke thanked him, checked his watch, adopted his normal speaking voice again and said, "Alright, suckers, I'm off to Amsterdam for some whoring and hash-smoking!" Everyone wished him well.

Chloe was stunned by Stefan's marriage proposal and luckily was able to send Stefan to check on an alarm that had gone off in the stables while she mulled over her options. "Don't think too hard," Stefan said with a smile before heading off to the stables. As soon as he left, "Lucien Cain" stepped out of the shadows and told Chloe that he was looking for Stefan. When Chloe told him that Stefan was away for a moment, "Lucien" told her it was just as well and that he'd catch up with Stefan later. Chloe asked "Lucien" where he knew Stefan from, and "Lucien" told her that he used to deal with Stefan in a company he owned called The Sniveling Pathetic Younger Brother That I Despise More Than Freezer Burn Corporation. Chloe had never heard of it, but when she mentioned it later to Stefan, he was shocked. "That used to be Stavros' pet name for me when we were young boys on the Island, exploring our burgeoning sexuality," Stefan said. He then shook the visuals out of his head and said that Stavros was dead, dead, dead and that he had bigger fish to fry, greener pastures to covet and, most importantly, perky available boobies to grope. Chloe smiled.

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Angel brought some flowers to Sorel, who was still in critical condition in the hospital -- though not *so* critical that he couldn't whine about Sonny a bit. He rasped on and on about Sonny "swimmin' wid da fishes" and Angel smiled brightly and said yes, she did hope to go swimming and fishing with Sonny someday. Angel then promised that she would be Sorel's daughter again if he would just please not kill Sonny. Sorel laughed, "You mean, if I kill Sonny, I get YOU outta my life, too? Woo Hoo!" he exclaimed, "I just re-found my will to live!"

Bobbie showed Carly the note that she found mixed in with the mail that morning. "You are one hot sexy bitch, Bobbie, and I'd love to screw you rotten," Carly read. Bobbie quickly ripped that note out of her hand, apologized for the mix up and gave Carly the note that was REALLY intended for her. "You and your son are shark meat," Carly read. She then admitted she'd rather have the sexy bitch note instead but Bobbie insisted that Carly had already slept with *ONE* of her fathers-in-law and she sure wasn't going to ruin any more of Bobbie's romances. 

Meanwhile, an emergency case was brought into the hospital whom Melissa discovered was carrying pictures of Carly, Zander and Michael. She alerted Roy and then demanded that the man tell her what he knew about the slut, the hothead and the limp orange thing. The man refused to confess anything so Melissa threatened to make his life miserable if he wasn't more forthcoming. The man still wouldn't budge, but got genuinely frightened when Melissa threatened him with a certain frustrated, horny bitch in a bear costume. "Anything but that!" the man screamed.

Zander was attended to by a pretty nurse who flirted with him. Zander told her that as much as he'd like to have sex with her, he couldn't do it here in the hospital where his girlfriend's parents worked. Alan interrupted the little flirtfest to tell Zander that someone had broken into Emily's room at the rehab centre. Zander managed to get himself out of bed and made his way into Sorel's room, where he promptly squeezed the vacuum cleaner hose and told Sorel that if he didn't leave Emily alone, he would NEVER see a clean house ever again! Sorel recoiled!

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Jax and Stefan argued over who had treated Chloe the most abominably. Stefan pulled a white glove out of his pocket, slapped Jax across the face and said, "You, Sir, are an arrogant, self-righteous prick!" Jax then took a white glove out of HIS pocket, slapped Stefan across the face with it and said, "And YOU, Sir, have hit the nail upon the head!" Stefan then said that them's was fightin' words but before he could challenge Jax to a deathmath in Chess, Alexis interrupted and told the two boys to put their sissy gloves away. Stefan stalked off to find Chloe while Alexis stayed behind to ask Jax where he'd been, why he was back and what the fuck was UP with that stupid haircut, already?!

Stavros tried to comfort Chloe on the docks but she basically gave him a lot of attitude, which made him almost re-consider his plan to brutally murder her in the very near future. He told Chloe that any man who'd walk away from her had to be crazy and to prove that to her, he'd fuck her right here and now and promise not to walk away until at least the wet spot had dried up. Chloe thanked him for his offer but said she could hear the launch in the distance. Stavros lurched away, pissed off that he had now missed his third opportunity for a good quick squonk since his re-awakening. Stefan arrived and pleaded with Chloe not to leave him, but she told him that he just wasn't good enough, smart enough and doggonnit, she just plain didn't like him.

Just about everyone working, visiting or injured at General Hospital paid a visit to Joseph Sorel's room with a fruit baskets and death threats. At the end of the day, Sorel was dead and seventeen different glasses containing various liquids had been smashed to the ground in a stunning display of metaphor-ism. Amazingly, only Roy, Melissa and an anonymous Sonny goon were smart enough to put rubber surgical gloves on at the end of the day to prevent themselves from dropping any more stuff. Even more amazing is that the idiots running the show over at General Hospital actually expect us to give a flying crap about this storyline.

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Wednesday's episode of General Hospital was ...

Ummm, I think I went shopping today

More shopping?