Monday
October 22

Trick or treat!
 

*** In what can only be described as the very high point of today's episode, Stefan attempted to sway a tanktopped and muscular Stavros into joining forces with him so they could team up against Helena and finally take the witch down. Stavros remained deep in thought, prompting Stefan to ask, "So? What do you think of my plan?" Stavros said huh, he didn't hear a danged thing that Stefan said and could Stefan smell his armpits from over there?

*** Laura was pissed off that she had to join The Son She Does Not Care For, i.e. Nikolas, to the GH rooftop. "Make it quick," Laura sighed, "Lucky might be needing me any minute now!" Nikolas offered to help find the antidote to the toxin that Luke had been injected with, but Laura told him that wouldn't be necessary, as his help in the matter would only force her to have to spend more time with him. Nikolas nodded.

*** Ned and Kristina went to Jake's, where a blue-haired Kristina convinced Ned to sing for the patrons. Ned did a show-stopping big-band rendition of "Hey Big Spender" much to the delight of the motorcycle gang leaders and drug pushers in the bar. When they went back to the gatehouse, they were stunned to find Skye and a half-naked Jax in their living room. "Let me guess, this is not what it looks like?" Ned said dryly. "That depends," Skye said, "does it look like a desperately horny woman trying to have oral sex with a good-looking Australian dude?" Ned said yes. Skye said, "Well, then, you hit the nail on the head, my friend. Whewff, is my face red!"

*** Meanwhile, back at Clue Mountain, all of the Sorel murder suspects were still herded in the library, yawning while Mac attempted to coerce a confession out of someone. AJ once again tried to draw attention to the fact that he had been threatened with death by Sonny in order to get AJ to sign away his parental rights to Michael. Once again, Mac rolled his eyes and told AJ to stop talking about crime and stuff when there was a murder to solve. AJ demanded to know if there was anyone on the planet who'd listen to him, but his pleas were drowned out by the sound of crickets and rolling tumbleweeds.
 

Tuesday
October 23

Lucky is proud to pass the much-hated nickname Lurky to the one and only Scotty Baldwin.

Today's recap was brought to you by the good people of

Makers of CLUE!

(By the way, if Hasbro wants to sue me for using their logo without their permission, let 'em sue ABC first for ripping off their whole danged board game for 4 episodes!)
 

*** When Scotty showed up on Laura's doorstep, he was stopped by a slobbering, drooling, mangy dog who barked wildly and chewed on Scotty's pant leg. Lucky then decided that maybe he'd be more effective if he stood up, let go of Scotty's pant leg and faced Scotty man-to-man, saying that if Scotty wanted to woo Laura, he'd better just forget about it. Scotty said he cared deeply for Laura and that nothing could stand in the way of him trying to win her back. Lucky told Scotty he better not push him cuz he was a real live wire that go off at any second. Any second, man! Scotty just rolled his eyes and wondered if Laura was worth these encounters with Freaky the Dog Boy.

*** Skye was furious with Ned when she informed him of what Sonny had done to AJ to get him to sign away his parental rights to Mikey and Ned showed nothing but indifference. Ned informed Skye that AJ should be THRILLED not to have anything to do with Mikey anymore. "Have you SEEN that kid?" Ned asked. "That kid is Ritchie Cunningham's bastard child or I don't know my bastards!" Skye couldn't believe how cold Ned was and stormed out of the room, with a shirted Jax following close behind. "What do you have against Ritchie Cunningham?" a sobbing Kristina demanded to know. "He WAS Happy Days, dammit!"

*** Mac and Felicia continued to detain all of the Sorel murder suspects at the mansion on bogus minor criminal charges while allowing them no bathroom privileges until they 'fessed up about where they were and what they were doing on the night of Sorel's murder. One by one, the suspects started to own up.

*** "I poured pure sulfuric acid into his IV," Melissa sobbed.  *** "I beat him over the head with a big fat club," Roy sniffled. ***  "I smothered him with an Archie comic book," Mike said. "A Double Digest one!" *** "I pulled the plug on his hair dryer!" Carly declared. *** "I put a Tabasco sauce in his feeding tube!" Alan confessed.

*** "That's all well and good, but that's NOT how Sorel died," Mac said. The camera panned to Sonny, Angel, AJ and Monica. The audience yawned.
    

Wednesday
October 24

"Ohhhhh Gia!"
"Ohhhhh Lucien!"

 

*** After spelling out all the ways in which he betrayed her and all the reasons why she should hate him, Gia and Nikolas had sex. "Was it good for you?" Nikolas asked, lighting a cigarette after the deed. "Oh baby!" Gia smiled. "I think Sonny might be on to something with this 'having sex with someone who betrayed you' stuff. That was HOT!" Nikolas agreed, but asked her if the next time they boinked, could she pleased stop clawing his back and calling him a "lousy piece of shit prick who isn't worthy of corn rowing my hair"? Gia said she'd think about it.

*** Working on Felicia's crackerjack theory that the murderer would be the first to leave the mansion, Mac and Flea watched as Angel stormed out of the place, pissed off that she hadn't been charged with anything. "Being recast?" Felicia whispered. "Fired," Mac whispered back.

*** Alexis demanded to know if AJ's accusations against Sonny were true, and Zander told her that of course Sonny had put AJ on a meat hook and refused to let him out until he signed away all his rights to Mikey. "You mean Sonny does bad things?" Alexis asked incredulously. She then expressed her concern that Zander might be becoming as cold-hearted as Sonny. Zander admitted that there was something about Sonny that appealed to Zander. "I dunno if it's the dimples or the dreamy brown eyes," Zander sighed romantically, "but there's just something about that guy that makes me go weak in the knees."

*** Sonny followed Angel and told her that he knew she had murdered Sorel. Angel confessed that she didn't go to the hospital *intending* to kill Sorel, but he was so badly bruised and bloodied after being whacked with the club and the Archie Double Digest that she just felt she HAD to put him out of his misery. Sonny mumbled something. Angel looked into his chocolate brown eyes and melted like a green M&M left to rot in the sunshine. "You're so good," Angel said. "You're so fired," Sonny smiled back.

Thursday
October 25

"I'm going to miss you, Jax!"
"I wish I could say the same about you, Angel."
 

 
Okay, all I saw from today's show is this (before I fell asleep myself ;)

*** Laura took a nap on the couch and dreamed that someone's hand was brushing her hair. When she "awoke," she saw Stavros standing above her, cooing sweet nothings at her. "You WILL have sex with me," he said. "You WILL be my love slave and spend 24/7 doing my perverted bidding. You WILL call me Master and you WILL yield to every last one of my wishes, no matter how vile and perverse they may be." Laura nodded numbly, wondering why the fuck Stavros kept referring to her as "Marzipan". She woke up, startled, from her dream as a real hand was brushing against her hair. Gasping in fear, she saw that it was only Scotty who was fondling her blonde locks. That's when Laura REALLY started to scream in horror.

*** Fill in the rest of the gaps yourselves, people ;)

Friday
October 26

Oh please, I haven't gotten it up in YEARS and you're going to act like we had an affair?

*** Melissa and Roy had shower sex. CNN reported a 287% increase in cringing and gagging at right about this time.

*** Sonny and Carly started kissing as a means of throwing off the police, but ended up getting carried away when Sonny remembered how much he loathed Carly and how pure, unadulterated hatred for a sex partner made his dick hard. Sadly, they were interrupted by Taggert, who wanted to know if Sonny and Carly would be interested in a threesome with a really hot black guy in desperate need of airtime. They politely declined.

*** Stavros was aghast when Helena suggested that Nikolas be programmed to love his father. Stavros told Helena that she didn't know a dadgum thing about human emotion and told her if she really wanted to do something for him, perhaps she could get one of her scientists to come up with a better device to raise Stavros' winky -- preferably something that didn't require noisy and cumbersome hydraulic technology.

*** Edward was stunned when a strange woman named Janine came to the Q house and threw herself into his arms with a cry of "sweet cheeks!" Skye chuckled, knowing danged well that in order for Edward to get himself out of THIS mess, he'd have to confess his longstanding impotence to everyone in Port Charles.