Monday, November 26

*** Skye and Monica brought their Thanksgiving food fight into the Quartermaine living room, where AJ and Ned took bets on whether or not red wine would hit Monica's sweater, thereby causing her to melt like the Wicked Witch in the Wizard of Oz. "Stop trying to get a rise out of my dick!" Monica snarled. "I'm a woman! I swear, I'm a woman!" Skye just snickered while everyone rolled their eyes. Alan just hid his face in embarrassment.

*** Carly was excited when Jax showed her the warehouse he owned. Carly insisted she could make a huge success of a night club. She urged Jax to close his eyes. "Just picture it!" Carly said. "A disco ball over there! A caged go-go dancer over there! Lava lamps on every table!" Jax agreed that the club sounded like a winner. "You think so?" Carly asked hopefully. "Not really," Jax said, "but it'll piss Sonny off so consider the space yours!"

*** Luke was visibly upset at the news that Laura was marrying Scotty and was especially angry at Lulu for having spilled the beans. "And to think I let that snot-nosed little whatsherface sit on my lap!" he said. He raised a toast to Laura's impending nuptials and said, "Wellpp, I'm off to drink!" It was an announcement that shocked everyone!
 

Tuesday, November 27

*** Luke tried to get Scotty in trouble during recess by insinuating that maybe Scotty was a speed addict, so the principal had no choice but to call Mommy and tell her to come down and pick her boys up. Mommy arrived just in time to see a near-fistfight break out between the boys. "Lucas Lorenzo Spencer, OUTSIDE!" Mommy said. She took Luke outside and scolded him for being such a bully on the playground. "He started it!" Luke said. Mommy wagged her finger in his face and told him to get his sister, take his homework and head home immediately. Luke kicked the toe of his shoe into the sand and whimpered off. Mommy then went inside and told Scotty that it was time to go. Scotty reminded Mommy that he had proposed and still not gotten an answer to his question. Before Mommy could answer however, Scotty said he wanted the setting to be perfect, which made Mommy wonder, Is there EVER really a perfect setting for drop-kicking someone's heart?

*** Edward went to Sonny to ask for help with Skye and Janine. Scotty told Edward it was a good thing he came to him, since he would not only take care of the problem but by involving himself in a Sonny-related storyline, Edward guaranteed himself an extra 3.4 minutes of airtime a month. "Grazie, Signor Corinthos," Edward said, before backing slowly out of the room on his knees. Sonny then informed Alexis that they would have to go to Puerto Rico to take care of a labor dispute in one of his whorehou-- Err, in one of his perfectly legitimate rum-producing factories. Yeaahhh, that's it. It's a RUM place, see? No whores anywhere to be found! Yeah, that's it! Alexis tried to back out of accompanying Sonny to Puerto Rico, but a little magical mouse named Mickey came to her apartment and urged her to go. "Poor Alexis Cassadine," muttered some other mice, "every time she finds a minute, that's the time that Sonny begins in: Alexis Cassadine! Alexis Cassadine!"  Alexis decided to go to Puerto Rico after all and hoped that maybe, just maybe, she would find the courage to slip Sonny a note asking him if he already had a date for the prom. She giggled like a school girl.
 

Wednesday, November 28

*** Scotty finally realized that he stood no hope in hell of getting Laura to agree to marry him and cursed himself for wasting 50 cents on a hotdog just to have his heart broken. Laura sighed heavily and said she TOLD him not to get a hot dog, before returning Scotty's engagement ring to him. "That will buy you all the hotdogs you could possibly cram down your gullet," Laura said with a light smile. Scotty agreed that that WAS something good to come out of it. "With mustard and everything," Scotty said, a single tear trickling down his cheek. "Yes, Scotty, with mustard and everything," Laura replied with a smile.

*** Mac and Taggert told Luke that there was absolutely no evidence that an underground lab had ever existed in that weird scientific-looking space thirty floors below General Hospital. Taggert also added that even though his very own sister, Gia, had SEEN Lucien Cain and could verify that he was indeed Stavros Cassadine, and despite the fact that Tags himself had seen Stavros at the Auction, there was absolutely no evidence that Stavros Cassadine had ever existed. Furthermore, Mac and Taggert informed Luke of a little-known Port Charles law in which no officer can make an arrest when there are only 11 witnesses with identical testimonies about a crime. Luke said that made perfect sense, considering making the Port Charles Police Department SMARTER and more CAPABLE was not one of ABC-TV's plans for the post September 11th, kinder, gentler GH.
 

*** Stefan continues his farewell tour by nicely wrapping up a touching moment with Gia. "I’m sorry that I thought you were subservient to my son and family" a contrite Stefan remarks. "That’s okay" Gia replies sweetly "near-death experiences have a way of making you understand the important things in life", while glancing at her mammoth-sized engagement ring.

*** Meanwhile, 3000 feet above air, Jax confirms his location with his shrink/ground control operator, and is shocked to discovery Skye stumbling out of the rear cargo passage. A shocked Jax asks an obviously nauseated Skye if she was airsick, to which she replies, "No, just a really bad chili burger". Skye and Jax try to get their bearings and wonder what their location is. Both agree that using Gia’s skirt as a map would be their best bet.

*** At Kelly’s Diner, Carly and Zander try to decide which one is better looking. Carly is stunned to learn that Zander is in fact a spy for Sonny, and Zander is stunned by Carly’s now-apparent breasts. Designed to do very little otherwise this day, they opt instead to compliment each other’s tits & ass over coffee.

*** Sonny and Alexis cozy up to each other in the stratosphere, and tails are wagging that Alexis might make it to the Mile High Club. A frosty Alexis decides to warm up by swigging down a shot of whisky, and whipping off her shoes, at which point the captain and Sonny desperately cling to an overhead oxygen bag for fresh air. Sonny frantically tries to get the mask to work but cries in anger "I never paid attention to those damn demonstrations!" Alexis, getting rather sloshed, seems oblivious to the commotion but is heard remarking to Sonny, "If you didn’t stare me down like a piece of Hooters meat I wouldn’t have drank like this". Later, as Alexis naps soundly on Sonny’s shoulder, Sonny tries to determine whether or not his sugar plantation labor officials will notice his slurring and stumbling attorney, and wonders if drool can be removed from his suit.

*** Gia does her best to assure Nicholas that his father was in no way sexually attractive or attentive to her needs. Hoping to lift Nick’s spirits she gently reminds him "He was so sweet to me when you dumped my million dollar ass". A devastated Nick finds himself at the Elevator Shaft From Hell, where he clears his conscience. After much soul searching he promptly throws his Cassadine ring down the Bottomless Shaft, but is shocked to hear the reply "Ouch". Nick is stunned to see the emergence of "Thing", who is understandably pissed about being waken up from his sleep.
 

Friday, November 30

*** Skye and Jax shared a delicious plate of alligator and later hoped to share their crabs. Skye was appalled when she realized that Jax's big "secret mission" was to come to Hush Puppy, Louisiana for a glass of cherry coke and some deep-fried bacon. Jax added that he also liked to dance, then promptly did a few Saturday Night Fever-era moves to tantalize Skye. "I'm going to lose my lunch," Skye moaned. "Yes, me tight Aussie buns 'ave that effect on the ladies," Jax said as he continued to poke his index finger in the air. Skye decided that maybe this is just what good-looking, bored billionaires do in their spare time and decided to be the Karen Lynn Gorney to his John Travolta. "How deep IS your love?" Jax whispered seductively. "Ask me that later when you accidentally stumble into my room," Skye whispered back. Viewers yawned.

*** A very single and lonely Laura decided to pull out her Rolodex and call some of her friends to see if they'd be available for dinner. Realizing that she didn't actually HAVE any female friends, she took out Elton's Rolodex instead and started calling all of HIS friends. Soon, in desperation, she just started dialing random phone numbers to see if ANYONE would want to have dinner with her. Someone named Doris Tucker finally agreed to have dinner with Laura, who -- on her way to Doris's cardboard box on the waterfront -- ran into Luke. What were the odds?