Gia: Your chest .. it's all sticky and gooey ...

Nikolas: It's orange juice! I swear on my father's grave, it's orange juice!

Nikolas: You're BLACK? Oh .. *sob* my God .. Oh my God *sob* ..

Gia: I know, I'm sorry, Nikolas. I'm so sorry!

Nikolas: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God ... *sobbing*

Edward: Listen, you .. you degenerate! Get away from my wife NOW! If I'm not getting any from her, you sure as hell aren't getting any from her!

Lila: Oh Edwahd, calm down. It's just a hand job, for pete's sake ...

Stefan (sobbing): Nikolas doesn't want to be a part of my life anymore! Laura has turned her back on me! Chloe refuses to have anything to do with me. Good Lord, I've never been so happy in my entire bloody life ...

Flea: Have you been snooping?

Bobbie: Yes :(

Flea: Have you been lying to Roy?

Bobbie: Yes :(

Flea: Are those documents that you have in your hands something that you shouldn't be looking at or even holding?

Bobbie: Yes :(

Flea: Have you ever been repeatedly locked in a broom closet?

Bobbie: No.

Flea (smirking, self-satisfied): Well, I guess I'm still one up on you then, huh?

Luke: Hi, listen. We're looking for a greasy-haired Dutch guy. Bad teeth. Bad accent. Wipes his nose a lot. Name's Caesar Faison.

Hotel clerk: Sorry, haven't seen him.

Luke: He's got a dick about this big (indicates with his hands).

Hotel clerk: Ahhhh, yes! Stubby Faison! He checked out last night, Sir!

Luke: Dangit!

Laura: How do you know the size of Faison's penis?

Luke: Shut up, woman! >:(