General Shmospital Outtakes

Emily: P-P-Please don't come any closer!

Zander: Yeah, keep the fuck away from us! You hear me? Cuz I'll blow this bitch's head off! You think I'm kidding? You wanna TRY ME?

Emily (sobbing): Oh please, please don't antagonize him! He's not joking!

Zander: Now you listen here, you bunch of pigs! I don't know about Port Charles, but where I come from, this is the way we TREAT the women we love! Alright? Now I'm gonna keep this gun pointed at this ho's head and I'm gonna keep threatening to blow her head off while we slowwllyyy ease our way into this waiting stolen car with the license plate number 8B6 9H5! And if any of you DARE to follow us, there's gonna be blood all over the fresh Corinthian upholstery!

Emily: No! No! Oh God, no! Not the upholstery!

Zander (screaming): SHUT UP, you stupid love of my life! Just shut the fuck up NOW!

Emily: Sorry! Oh I'm s-s-sorry, honeybunch! So sorry!

Zander: It's okay, you stupid virgin! I love you, you know?

Emily: I love you too, Zander.

Cops (offscreen, swooning) Awwwwwww! :))))

Emily: I don't have a driver's license!! Where's the ignition? Which one is the gas pedal? Oh I'm so nervous!!!!!

Zander: Listen, I can't SHOW you how to drive right now, woman! If I take my eyes off these pigs for one minute, they're gonna be all over me like Bobbie Spencer on am inflatable Roy DiLucca doll! For pete's sake, bitch, the gas pedal is on the right and the brake is on the left!

Emily: My left or your left?

Zander: They're BOTH our left, now would you get your skinny ass in gear and get us OUT of here? I'm getting carpal tunnel here from keeping my finger on the trigger!

Emily (starting the car): Okay, I found the ignition!

Zander: That a girl! Now go! go! GO! (as Emily pulls away) So long, suckers! So long, you pigs! So long, world that never loved me!

Emily: Man, I LOVE driving! This is so cool!

Zander: Uh-huh, you're doing great baby, you're doing-- Hey, what the fuck? This is a 50mph speed zone!!! What are you trying to do, KILL US?

Emily: Sorry.

Zander: Shee-it, woman! Do I gotta do EVERYTHING around here!?

Emily (sighing) Man, I love it when you treat me like your ho!

Zander (proudly): I'm glad to hear it, Em. I love you, too! :)

Executive Producer: Okay, Real, now just raise your hand to your mouth. Good! Good! And now talk into your hand like you're holding a walkie-talkie or a CB Radio or something, ok?

Real: You're kidding me, right?

Executive Producer: Hey, man, just trust me! It's gonna be great! Just fantabulous!

Real: Can't we find something in Props to get something that looks like a CB?

Executive Producer: No, trust me, man! This is going to be real and gritty! It's going to be sexy!

Real: I dunno about this. Can't someone in Props just go see if there's something in the prop room we can use as a CB?

(long pause)

Executive Producer: Alright Real, I just checked with Props. They're going to bring you an empty peanut box. You can hold that in your palm and use it as a CB.

Real: Shee-it! I can't believe this. This is fucking outrageous!

Executive Producer: That's it, Real! Get angry! Use that anger in the scene! And .... ACTION!

Tony: Hi, Hannah.

Hannah: Hi, Tony. I hear you're on recurring status now.

Tony: I heard you're leaving the show.

Hannah: Yep, I am.

Tony: Well, best of luck to you!

Hannah: I'm still going to be in the opening credits, though, for at least another month or two.

Tony: Uhhh, ya. That's really nice, Hannah.

Hannah: I gonna be a serious actress!

Tony: Uh-huh, ya. Great.

Taggert: Excuse me! Mother? Heart condition? Dying in hospital bed?

Tony: Oh yeah! Your mother!

Hannah: I gonna be a REAL serious actress!

Tony: Man, would you SHUT UP already?!

Liz: Okay, and then like, say you need an eight, ok? Then you would say, "Do you have an eight?" and if I had none I would say, "Go fish."

Jason: But we're playing cards. Why would you send me fishing while we're playing cards?

Liz: No, no, no! Listen! I'd say "Go fish" but it would mean, you know, take a card from the pile, like, go fishing in the pile to see if you can find an eight.

Jason: Okay. I'm going fishing.

Liz: Why??

Jason: Cuz you told me to. You said, Go fish!

(pause)

Liz: Okay, have fun, Jason!