General Shmospital Outtakes

The unedited version of Edward Quartermaine (and friends)' original Nurse's Ball performance, "I Have A Little Secret":

Edward: Though I have countless children ... And money that runs in the millions ... I have a little secret .. I'm coming out of the closet ...

Boys: We're more than a back-up choir ... We're paid to fulfill his desires ... He's wrinkly but still needs his thrills ... And gigolo money pays bills ...

Edward: Though married for years to Lila ... There's another reason for my smile-a .. I have a little secret ... I'm coming out of the closet ...

Boys: We've known it for years and for years ... That Edward the ogre is queer ... He's used us and loved us and paid us ... And with this show, fully degrades us!

Edward: The Nurse's Ball seemed like the forum .. To step away from all decorum ... and share my little secret ... I've come fully out .. of .. the .. closet!!!

The unedited version of Nikolas Cassadine, Gia Campbell and Lucky Spencer's original Nurse's Ball performance, "Teens, Teens, We Suck But TPTB Need Us":

Nik/Lucky: Ohhh, these microphones make us look like we know how to sing .... Even though we don't know a thing ... 

Lucky: Nik, looking fine in your red satin vest ...

Nikolas: Lucky, your hair is a wet bird's nest ...

Gia: I am just he-ere as win-dow dressing ...

Nik/Lucky: This crappy song is real-ly depressing!

Nik/Lucky/Gia (in unison): We're here to sing at our very best ... To attract the key demographic teen au-di-ence ... We hope you enjoyed our mediocre performance ... If you did not, you can go screw your-se-elves :) 

The unedited version of Luke and Felicia's original Nurse's Ball performance, "Sometimes A Fluke Is A Wonderful Thing":

Luke: I saw you in an empty bar, I think that bar was mine .... You were drunk and I was horny, to your legs I took a shine .. My son was dead, my wife estranged, a shadow of a man I was ... But I became a part of Fluke and this is why, because ...

Felicia: Wayy down upon the Swahnee Rivah ...

Luke: This guy from Denmark kidnapped you, oh dear, what was I supposed to do? ... The situation did perplex us, for I'd have cared more if he'd kidnapped Alexis ..

Felicia: Farr farr away ...

Luke: A half of a Fluke is now what I am ... Dressed in bad costumes and smelling like ham ... But here I am, getting to dance and to sing .... Sometimes a Fluke is a wonderful thing ....

Felicia: Do you have something with a beat?

The unedited version of Alan Quartermaine's performance of "Emily, You Be Crippled Now":

Oh darling daughter of mine .. Even in a brace and flat on your back you are beauuuuuu-tiful ... Though that other daughter of mine ... Is skulking in the doorway looking ggguuiiilllltttt-iful ... You, Emily, are the one that I love ... Skye is the one I had never heard of ...

But I have some bad news for you ... The swelling in your spine may crippllle youuuuu .. There's only so much I can do .. Like sit here and sing to you in the Emergency Room .... You, Emily, are the daughter adored ... That other bitch, an illegitimate whore ..

Em, you mean the world to me ... Can't bear the thought of you with a broken backkkkk ... Em, you mean the world to me ... Why oh why couldn't you have re-signed your contraacccttttttt .... 

Emily, you be crippled now ... so Jill can send you off to a rehab center ... Emily, you be crippled now ... leaving behind an uncertain future for Zander ... Emily, you be crippled now ... off to future of feature films and movies of the week ... Emily, you be crippled now ... and a cripple never looked this sweeeeeeeeetttttttttttt ......

(cue sobbing)