Helena: Finally! Finally, Lucky! After all the months of work, all the brainwashing, all the mind control -- our master plan has finally reached fruition! You are one of  People's Sexiest Men of 2001!
 

"I am evil Ho-MER! I am evil Ho-MER! I am evil Ho-MER! I am evil Ho-MER!"

(click the picture to hear the wav; maybe it'll actually be funny that way!)

Kristina: ... and I will take my uptight sister and my free-spirited punk rock friend and I will put them in a pillow case until they reproduce a perfect super-race with the ethics of an attorney and the cleanliness of a grunge fan!
 

Jax: So, like, when you slept with Chloe, did she always complain of a headache, too, to get out of the oral stuff?
Stefan (smirking): NEVER!