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Melissa: ... oh, and then there was the time in the emergency
room where we had to remove a stapler from this girl's backside!
Felicia: Uh-huh.
Melissa: And oh, we were all standing
around going, "A stapler? A stapler?" I mean, come on, I can understand
some kind of vegetable or something but a stapler?
Felicia: Uh-huh.
Melissa: And then there was this other
time that someone brought in a monkey and demanded we resuscitate it! Oh,
Felicia, the stories I could tell. The stories I could tell!!
Felicia (to self): Kill me now.
Melissa: .. and then there was that
time that someone came in with a double-A battery shoved up his nose and
...
Felicia (to Melissa): Uh-huh.
Felicia (to self): You know, if I look
at her long enough, I can actually visualize myself stabbing her in
the neck with a pencil just to get her to shut the fuck up ....
Melissa: I mean, we all just stood
around going, "Now, why would someone shove a BATTERY up their nose? And
wouldn't a triple A have made more sense?"
Felicia (to Melissa): Uh-huh.
Felicia (to self): I wonder if I'd die
if I drank that entire bottle of rubbing alcohol? Or ate that jar of
Vaseline ...
Felicia (to Melissa): My hand feels
all better now, so I'm just going to--
Melissa (menacingly): Sit .. down!
(sunny again) Okay, now where was I? Oh yeah, the battery incident! Well,
ANYWAY, so we were ....
Felicia (to self): Right there. Right
near that jugular. A pencil right there, that's all it would take. That's
all it would take ...
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Announcer: ... and the winner of the
Most Exciting Fantabulous Dinner Party Ever goes to ....... Gia, Liz,
Lucky, Sarah, Nikolas? Come on up here you whacky bunch of nuts!
(APPLAUSE FROM AUDIENCE)
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Announcer: ... and the winner of
the Prelude To A Sex Scene Most Resembling Your Lack-a-Day Porn Movie
goes to .... Gia! Nikolas! Come on up here, you barn-loving,
hay-loving nutbars!
(APPLAUSE FROM AUDIENCE)
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