Luke: Hey, Child Molester!
Rick: Hey, Rapist!
Luke: Drink?
Rick: Something tall and frosty, please!
Luke: Right this way!
 

Ned: You know, they warned me a million times but I laughed at them and now, here I am. In the emergency room. With a white Dixie cup stuck to my dick.

"Dearest Lila, Thank you for the naked pictures of you and Reginald in the garden. I must say, your Muumuus do not do your body justice, cuz you are one HOT mama! I shall be home as soon, Lila dearest, and shall in the meantime count the seconds until I can be in your bewitching presence once again. Hugs and smooches, your little Australian joey jelly patch, Jax XOXO"
 

Sonny: Carly, quick! Come over here! I want you to meet Satan! He's going to be performing the ceremony.
Satan: She'll make a lovely sacrifice.
Sonny: Ixnay on the acrifice-ay!