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OK St. Carly Worshippers. Stand up and brush your knees off. It is time to
take a break from the Carly idolizing. I am prepared to tell you exactly
why you should drop the hero worship and go back to praying to the Virgin
Mary. (Unless of course, you are in the practice of Satan worship, in
which case, just carry on.. This message is not for you.)
For the purpose of clarification, I am going to divide the people I am
addressing in this post into two groups, S&C’s and CFFs (Carly Fans
First). If you are an S&C fan, I don’t think that I am qualified to
comment on your state of mental health at this time. What exactly do you
like about their relationship? He is selfish, cruel, depressing and
sexist. She is selfish, cruel, immature and weak. Yes, I said weak. I
completely disagree with the argument that Carly is brave and fearless.
IMO she cannot face up to her own flaws and that makes her weak. Alone
they are barely tolerable. Together, they are an unbearable mess of
gloom, doom and agony. And I DON’T mean that their relationship is angst
filled, because angst is the good kind of pain that people who love each
other put each other through. I mean that there is absolutely no sign of
love between them, their history consists of nothing except episode after
episode of fighting, anger, betrayal, and punishment.
Don’t believe me? Go back and watch all their scenes again. (Oh, wipe
that innocent look off your face, we both know that you have the tapes.)
I defy you to need more than one hand’s worth of fingers to count the
scenes in which they are both smiling.
Now, people who know me are going to call me a hypocrite when they read
this, because I love the Cassadines, and they are as dark as they come.
But here’s the key: The Cassadines (when written correctly) are
entertaining. They are funny, and their brand of insane terror and the
way they run around in circles trying to kill each other out make me
laugh. Sonny and Carly never even made me smile, which is a very
disturbing statement to make about a couple that has been involved upwards
of three years now.
If you are a CFF, I believe that there is hope for you if you follow my
instructions. VERY SLOWLY, back away from the TV, turn off the computer,
and get yourself into some serious therapy. Or if you don’t want to do
that, then at least take a moment to think about who you are idolizing.
The woman is a bitch. And if you don’t agree, then I challenge you to
come up with a better term for someone who seduces her mother’s husband,
names 4 (count ‘em, 4) different men the father of her child, shoots
someone in open court, creates 2 babies because of imagined betrayal,
turns her husband over to the Feds, locks someone in a boatshed, sneaks
into her EX husband’s apartment, attempts hate sex #3 with a kid who last
year was taking his girlfriend to the prom, and drives herself off a
cliff. Wait, did I say a bitch? I take it back, I think the word I was
looking for was PSYCHO.
Now before you jump down my throat for being biased, let me just come
right out and admit that yes, I am an Alexis fan. Why shouldn’t I be?
Alexis is classy without being weak, sophisticated without being snotty,
a good person without being a goody-goody. Is she neurotic, insecure, and
judgmental at times? Absolutely! That’s what makes her entertaining.
Like Sonny said, she’s multi layered and fascinating. There are so many
sides to this woman, yet every one of them is completely believable,
realistic, and sympathetic. She is, as NLG puts it, “fleshed out”.
As an Alexis fan, I did not support Sexis for a long time, because I felt
like I was seeing my favorite character unravel before my eyes. But after
watching them connect in PR, and then again later when he called off the
hit on AJ, I began to realize that loving Sonny wasn’t tearing Alexis
apart, it was helping her move to a new place in her life where she can
continue to grow. Alexis deserves someone who “needs her too much to push
her away”, and if Sonny is that person, then why are we STILL waiting for
them to get together? And if Sonny is not that person, why are we waiting
for them to get together at all? Does anyone else feel like we’re moving
backwards here with this stupid “Carly is back from the dead storyline”?
It is fascinating to me that TPTB seem to be incapable of allowing story
to develop naturally at a normal pace. Why must there always be some
stupid plot contrivance that is completely unbelievable and doesn’t make
even the remotest bit of sense? Can someone explain to me what the
purpose to Carly seeing Sexis “doing it” was? Everything was wonderful,
honest and beautifully emotional until she came along. (I know, I wanted
to vomit when I reread that last sentence too, but as sickening as it is,
it is true, so I’m leaving it in.)
Now, if Carly had reacted like a normal human being to what she saw,
gotten upset, but gone home, pulled out the Ben and Jerry’s and cried
herself to sleep, I could argue that the point was to show some character
growth, and to (finally) put some closure to the S&C storyline. Slightly
contrived, a bit unrealistic, but somewhat bearable. Instead, we got
Carly shifting instantly into self destruct mode, and driving herself off
a cliff and us into what has got to be the worst sweeps ever.
Makes no sense, but still, not too bad if it had to happen. It is what
came next that is the killer. Suddenly Carly is “dead”, and instead of
laying her to rest, the entire town decides to create this image of Carly
that not only is skewered, IT NEVER EXISTED. The entire month, I was just
sitting there with my mouth open going WTF? Who the hell are they talking
about? There are certain people who rightly were devastated or felt guilty
about what happened, but what about the other 99% of PC? Why were they
mourning when by rights they should be celebrating?
GH has a wonderfully rich history, and I would like to know who the F***
JFP and Bob Guza think they are that they can just rewrite it to create
sympathy for a character who doesn’t deserve any? Believe me, I know who
Carly is, and watching GH this month implied that I didn't, which is an
insult to my intelligence and my integrity as a viewer. Do they think
we’re stupid? Do they think we don’t remember that Carly is a
manipulative, self serving, vicious little bitch who basically ignores her
child and whose only consistency is that she always takes the worst
possible road?
OK, I got it all off my chest, and I am now officially a sane person
again. (or at least as sane as I am capable of getting, which is something
that is always up for debate in my family). So as an officially sane
person, I am going to share a suggestion with you. Until this show learns
the difference between suspenseful plot TWISTS and contrived plot DEVICES,
stop looking forward to sweeps. Believe me it will save you a hell of a
lot of aggravation.
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