Spoiler-Free Spoilers for October 15

Laura: will she choose a life with the only man who never raped her?

Gia: What special part of Liz's anatomy will she pay tender attention to?

Sonny: What part of *his* anatomy will be getting a "rise" this week ;)

Ned practices his ebonics!

Sonny makes a decision
"Eenie meanie miny moe. Which of these ladies will I let be my ho…."

Laura reflects on her romantic past…
"Lulu, I’ve had a full and complete life. I’ve been numerously raped, beaten, kidnapped, drowned, shot at, had my death forged, been blackmailed & had my puppy killed. Someday I wish all the same for you when you meet that "special boy".

Gia makes a career choice
Her spirit broken, she decides to become Liz’s foot washer.

Kristina contemplates an offer…
"Oh my god! YES Mrs. Stallone, I will LOVVVVE to join Cirque du Soleil! I’ve got the clothes!"

Carly faces a new struggle
"Oh……My…….God…..I look so fat in this #*&(@*&# mirror! Is that my THIGH?!! That’s it! I’m not eating. NO! Leave me alone! I don’t want to eat! Get your (#*&$#(* hands off me!!!!!"

Melissa confronts Roy
"Alright. Look you little shit. It’s because of YOU that I am on the (*#&$# backburner and not getting airtime.. now back off and quit making me look so boring!"

Zander stands by Sonny
and an infuriated Maurice Bernard immediately demands platform shoes.

In order to please fans with happy heartfelt quality viewing…GH is retooling to avoid evil, depressing, and tragic stories in the wake of Sept. 11th
….as such, has nixed their planned Sonny/Angel/Jax triangle.

Kristina is puzzled by a request
"Um, okay Jill. I…. guess I’ll wear those…….. white …..clothes…."

Ned Hatches a plan!
First, I’ll hack into the Rick Dees Weekly Top 40 website. Then I’ll forge all requests to look like Eddie Maine requests throughout the country. Then I’ll sit back and wait for Rick Dees to call me. And he’ll be like "Hello, Eddie Maine?" And I’ll be like "This is his secretary speaking, can I help you?" Then Rick Dees will be like "Oh, we are interested in Eddie Maine joining us in the studio to sing live". And I’ll be like "Mr. Main is on his international tour with Michael Jackson right now and can’t fit it into this schedule." And he’ll be like "Look, I’ll pay him. Just cancel what he’s doing and get him here" and I’ll be like "Ya whatever, good luck." And he’ll be like "I ain’t frontin" and I’ll be like "whatever, I ain’t hearing that." And he’ll be all like "Eddie Maine rules." And I’ll be like "Prrf, where YOU been?"……….(ahem)……….It will be awesome."

Lucky is stunned by Liz’s letter….
"Dear Lucky, welcome to Dumpsville. Population YOU. Don’t drop the soap in the sanitarium. And use that Permanent Lock to protect your assets. Kisses, Liz."

Zander considers contacting Emily….
But decides not to when he remembers she’s a cripple.

The truth behind Angel is finally revealed
"I’m not a home wrecking, sanctimonious bore….I just play one on TV"