10 GH ratings decrease mysteriously coincides with 478% increase in 3- 4pm aerobics class enrollments!

9 Bad news: Kristina Wagner is on vacation and there’s no one to pick on. Good news: Absence of Kristina’s endless nose-crinkling and onion-sniffing allows you to watch GH seizure-free!

8 Guza and Riche have nothing better to brag about in the soap tabloids than "the amazingly original storyline we like to refer to as Nik and Lucky’s Shmexcellent Shmadventure!"

Liz, Lucky, Emily and Nikolas embark upon an amazingly original, never-before-seen adventure!

7 Once-satisfying creamy nougat filling secretly replaced with Folger’s Crystals.

6 Fan suggests a Sonny-Liz romance; suggestion greeted on message boards with "Yeah, whatever."

5 Then: female fans wanted to jump Jacob Young’s bones. Now: female fans just want to wipe the smirk off of his face.

4 "I can’t believe that Philip wants custody of—ooops, wait a minute! That’s The Guiding Light!"

3 "You know, I’m really starting to miss the days when Luke and Felicia went on those whacky adventures and got into all that whacky mischief and I miss the chemistry between—OH MY GOD, WHAT AM I SAYING????"

Message board entry: "Fluke, if you're reading this .. I hate your guts!" Flea: "Awww, innit that cute?"

2 "The show’s popularity is waning! The fans are complaining about the lack of action, intelligent writing and interesting storylines, so it’s time to bring out the big guns, people! Ron Hale? YOU’RE ON!"

And the Number One sign that GH is losing its edge is ...

New actress appears out of nowhere to portray Tammy; no one on the GH message boards has yet to contemptuously nickname her NuTammy!