10 Big cake rolled in, the French Whore he was boinking in France pops out – pregnant, blind from syphillis and, might I add, not looking too danged good.

9 Stefan, drunk on beer and feeling randy, mistakes Jake for Helena and starts humping her leg and imploring her to "Love me, Mother! Love me! LOVE ME!"

8 Stefan surprizes the entire room by demonstrating his exceptional prowess at playing the banjo!

Who knew?!?

7 Stefan pulls Alan aside and says that for a mere $50, he’ll GLADLY impregnate Monica for him.

6 Stefan gives a touching toast to the Bride and Groom-to-be, telling Ned, "You’re getting a wonderful woman in my sister, and if I wasn’t already in love with my mother, even I might have taken a crack at her!"

5 Stefan and Luke end the long-standing Spencer-Cassadine feud, thanks to guest star Louie Anderson!

4 Only AJ Quartermaine volunteers when Stefan offers everyone in the room a chance to "meet and greet Mini-Me!"

AJ grabs a stiff one after seeing, well, a stiff one ... :/

3 Stefan causes an uncomfortable silence in the room when he agrees to join in on Luke’s Poker game only because he "always wanted to see Roy DiLucca naked."

2 Stefan belittles Chloe in front of everyone, telling everyone that "the tumor girl should have clued in to the facts of our kidnapping when she saw that the cave we were ‘hiding out in’ had an air conditioner, a bidet and a fully-stocked refrigerator."

And the Number One Way Ned’s Bachelor Party Would Have Been Different Had Stefan Cassadine Attended Is ....

All drinks placed on coasters, thank you very much!

Sheesh, would it KILL ya?!??!